#i still deleted it just in case but my teacher still saw

[sl33pycr0w]

I may or may not have just gotten myself safeguarded at school!! Good night everyone!!

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

a loved one of mine sent me this post back in June, but i was immediately afraid of being a party-pooper so i didnt post my reply publicly but, now, ive had more than enough emotional distance from the knee-jerk anxiety of "oh no what if i correct people and everyone sends me hate and doxxes me" that im like "oh yeah i should post that" lmao (if i already did this: sorry, chronic memory loss stinks. i dont remember having done this before lmao)

if you dont like reading a long thing of text to get information btw, totally get it, here is a video link to Jessica Vill's video about the topic which will walk you through identical information if that is your preferred way to process/learn

also: you can easily google and wiki my sources, these arent hard things to verify once you know to look them up to begin with. but i did include screenshots below as my various sources; as well as evidence of "yeah, it would be super easy to fact-check me about this if you feel so inclined" [transcripts of images will be my reblog of this post under a read more, bc tumblr kept throwing a fit otherwise if i did it here] nonetheless, never blame people for not knowing what they didnt know. the misconception is absolutely the fault of PBS (for not fact-checking the author of that article pre-publication if nothing else) for publishing an article preying on the Black community's pre-existing attachment to Betty Boop for clicks. i wont be going into that article itself that had so terribly misreported, esp since PBS already apologized, im just reporting the information i know

i will add the following corrections to what i said in that DM:

i do not "blame" anyone above for the misinformation. if i "blame" anyone, it is PBS for claiming Fleischer consciously based Betty Boop's personality and design on Esther Jones, which you can see in the screenshot above; where BlackHistory.com cites and quotes that said misreported article. thats who i was groaning about in my DM, the PBS article; i was not nor was i ever attributing misinformation to come from @rikareena or @lveshae, but especially not @rikareena who fact-checked and was lied to by (a) said misinformation and (b) there not being an editorial within the snippet SAYING "oh btw sorry, our source we mentioned was bad actually. PBS apologized for the misinformation and not fact-checking it and we should too for spreading it without fact-checking our source ourselves". you should always google your facts and that is exactly what @rikareena did. it was not anybody in this post's fault that these sources were based on misinformation. do NOT blame or send negative attention to any tumblr-user/individual person within this post or outside of this post, istg, demand better of these website-sources instead (esp to have fact-checking teams themselves) and not individual people omfg

we do have few photos of Little Esther (you can see all of them in Jessica Vill's video), not just one. but they all are of her as a child. we have NO confirmed photos of her as an adult. also, to clarify, Little Esther was who i was talking about in regards to lost media, we have VERY little records of her performances (to which im glad people HAVE been looking into her and finding more about her that we can confirm is definitely her through this misreport. i love that she is re-gaining fans and her story is being shared, very big silver lining of this whole thing. if you're into uncovering lost media, please do look into her and help find more about her) also, she goes by "Baby Esther" and "Little Esther" as well as her name of Esther Jones/Esther Lee Jones

the photo i said was maybe her as an adult was incorrect. you'll see it below, it's the "Do Tell by James Van Der Zee, circa 1930" portrait that has oft been misattributed to Esther Jones. we do not know who this woman modeling for him had been

the cosplayer in question i mentioned was specifically Olya Gussy. she dressed up as Betty Boop and was photographed in 2008 by Retro Atelier. she is often misattributed as being an adult Esther Jones, which she is not

part of why i can never remember Betty Boop's primary "original" voice-actress is because Betty Boop has had SO MANY, even in just "classic Betty years". but i was specifically thinking of Mae Questel. the main three classic 1930s Betty Boop voices were Mae Questel, Mary Hines, and Bonnie Poe, but there were also several others in the 30s alone. but, yeah, when i was trying to talk about Betty Boop's voice-actress, it was Questel specifically who was in my head

i got my information wrong about the Betty Boop musical "Boop!". i got confused; i blame my chronic memory loss, but still my bad. anyway. it has so far ONLY been OFF-Broadway and is DUE to be ON Broadway in 2025 (get hyped!!! im so excited!!). off of Broadway, it has so far only been in Chicago according to the Wikipedia. and though it only had a had a short run in Chicago overall, the entire time it WAS in Chicago, Betty Boop was played by a Black musical actress: Jasmine Amy Rogers. love her, go support her!!

here are various screenshots with more information. feel free to look into them and/or the court-case on your own time. this is just "yep, shallow 2+2=4 levels of using google/wiki to fact-fact" on myself (which, to reiterate: is NOT a diss on anyone who didnt know what they didnt know, outside of this post or within it, idgaf, i do not tolerate trolls and dickheads being mean and utalizing me/my posts as a weapon to do that with) and show my sources in a more visual way

so yeah!! Betty Boop absolutely should be claimed by Black people since she has so many connections to Black American art within her performance, and Betty should 100% be drawn as a Black woman by any and everybody who wants to depict her that way

but also dont give Fleischer Studios credit for things they didnt do. they did not utalize Ether Jones in their initial conception of Betty in any purposeful or concious way; they did not design a Black animated female character in the 1930s. do not give them that credit that they have not earned. Fleischer Studios only utalized Esther Jones to get out of a court-case they had with Helen Kane. them accidentally creating a character whose performance is heavily in connection with Black American artists, like Esther Jones, is VERY DIFFERENT than them basing a character off of Esther Jones or being inspired by her in of by itself. do not give them flowers for making a Black female character star in her own shorts (and then rescind said flowers-that-they-didnt-earn for how she then "became white-washed" like that PBS article misreported) when they just?? didnt do any of that?

(also this is mostly unrelated but bc it is tangentially related to "dont give Fleischer Studios credit for things they didnt do" thing: if you know me, youll see me specifically crack jokes about Betty Boop being wlw and/or about her "he/him butch girlfriend, Freddie". im talking about her canon boyfriend, Fred or Fearless Fred, who is a human (unlike her also once-canon boyfriend of Bimbo, the anthropomorphic dog). do not take me making jokes about headcanons and how "Fred's design is too sapphic to be a cis man" as legitimate fact. youll see the internet jokes of a similar vein sometimes, im definitely not the originator of that joke)

Betty Boop is for everybody in the same way as youve likely seen that Hatsune Miku trend where everyone is making a cultural Miku re-design to their specific ethnicity or way of life; we've seen Betty Boop be flexibly "for everyone" tons of times, even outside of her being a nostalgic tribute to the flapper girl era (a cultural niche in which women of ALL backgrounds took part). in classic Betty Boop cartoons alone, we've seen:

Betty Boop as white/white-passing (especially any time they copied Helen Kane which Fleischer Studios did OFTEN and didn't even HIDE until it became a legal issue; but also Helen Kane wasn't even being that original. baby voices like Betty Boop's was a common gimmick of actresses then and Helen Kane's catch-phrase wasn't even her own. i still personally think Fleischer was copying Kane, but also it makes 100% sense why she lost that lawsuit),

we have had Betty Boop be Jewish (the most obvious being parents in some shorts speaking with thick Yiddish accents, implying she is the daughter of immigrant parents, most famously in the "Minnie the Moocher" short as part of the set-up before any music even began to play),

we've had her be rotoscoped dancing using Indigenous Hawaiian dancers, in their regalia, and given a tan (multiple times but my favorite is "Bamboo Isle" for sure),

we've had her collab with Cab Calloway (a famous Black jazz musician for anyone who doesn' recognize the name) along with others and had Betty Boop's catchphrase ultimately come from Baby Esther's scatting, along with other instances of Betty Boop's performances having connection to Black American performance-art

and, hell, you could even make arguments about Betty Boop as a cowgirl in her "Nan McGrew" parodies. cowgirls and cowboys were a largely queer and/or POC group, paid very little but allowed a lot of freedom of expression and welcomed isolation, until America cinema and the like white-washed cowboys to hell and back. you could see Betty Boop as anyone of any identity, really, but especially as being of the marginalized in that vein

Fleischer Studios did definitely (accidentally popularize infantalization in animated women woah who said that, who brought up my special-interest) only announce that they used an alagamation of flapper women in their design to better shoot down Helen Kane, but that doesn't mean it wasn't true. Betty Boop IS the 1930s tribute to the flapper era of the 20s and all the women from there, of all skin-colors and ways of life. anybody can cosplay or draw Betty Boop. but Black people especially do have a special connection to Betty Boop that cannot be denied and is v beautiful

(i could talk for a few hours about Betty Boop, and i will be the first to admit this isn't even her first "well, originally..." debate concerning her as a character, much less the breadth of her impact OR all aspects of her history. there's all the ways she did steal/borrow from Helen Kane, at least in my opinion; her impact of infantalization in animated women's designs; her hyper-sexualization and how theater at the time functioned (in a sexual way*) and her specific "gags in the margins"(*×2) animators would make; her almost movie about her and her father that a lot of Betty Boop fans have dug up and shared the conceptual work of around; and even the debate of her age as that is constantly in flux depending on where you look and at what time of history (*×3). all of which i mention in an "if you liked learning about Betty, there is a lot more to look into learning about her" way rather than an "ask me, ask me, ask me" way)

(said * clarifactions will be with the aforementioned reblog to not make this post even LONGER than it already is lmao)

anyway. again: A++ art though, absolutely love it ♡

boop-boop-a-doop

[heavyhitterheaux]

Ghost Part 5 (NSFW)

AN: It's been a while, but we're back 🤭🤭

Synopsis: Jack comforts you when he finds out that you're going through a difficult time and you got a lot more than you bargained for. Now you have to make a decision regarding the future between you and him

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader

Do not engage if underage

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Walking into work on Monday morning, you were extremely nervous. It did take some convincing on Jack’s part, but you did in fact delete your Only Fans account by the end of that very same night. Now all you had to do was hope and pray no one saw it that was associated with your job.

Once you dropped Ace off at daycare, you made your way down the long hallway in order to get to your classroom and was in for a surprise once you did.

Sitting near your desk was Alicia Hamilton who was the principal of the school. The interactions that you had with her in the past were always pleasant and she always made it a point to ask about Ace and ask about how you were seeing as she was also a single mother and knew how hard it could be at times.

“Alicia, to what do I owe the pleasure?” You asked as you smiled at her, a smile that she in fact did not return. Instead it was a look of seriousness.

“Y/N, it was brought to my attention that you have an Only Fans account that involves explicit material.”

And there it was.

“What exactly does that have to do with my job? I do that outside of here and shouldn't get penalized for it.” You answered as you stood your ground.

“Trust me, Y/N I get it. However I have had numerous complaints and my phone has been ringing nonstop since this past weekend.”

“Alicia, you of all people know how hard it is to live on a teachers salary and be a single mom. I had to do something to make sure that Ace could eat. And I was in college when I did that.” You told her as you tried to plead your case.

“Y/N, I adore you and you are an amazing teacher, but my hands are tied. We could lose funding over this. If there was a way that I could fix this and make it all better, I would but as of right now I can't. I have to let you go. Ace can still come to daycare and get a discount. I just can't allow you to teach here anymore.”

“But…”

“I have a substitute coming for you all this week and you’ll be able to pack up your classroom after school lets out.”

“Just keep everything. I clearly don't have a use for it anymore.”

“Y/N…”

Without another word, you grabbed your purse and made your way back down the long hallway. You decided to let Ace stay the rest of the day while you had absolutely no idea what you were going to do.

As you settled into your car, the waterworks started and you didn't even stop them from rolling down your face. You knew deep down that this was eventually going to happen and you had no clue what to do in order to move forward. In no way, shape, or form did you blame Jack for posting your picture because there were only good intentions behind it. But now, it was probably going to be ten times harder for you to find another job.

Moving back home didn't sound like a bad idea at the moment, but you couldn't do that to Jack after all the progress he's made with Ace.

You simply sent Jack a text because you needed a few days for yourself and to think this through and you needed to have a clear head.

You- Hey, can you take Ace for a few days?

Jack- Yes, is everything okay?

You- It's fine, I just need some time to figure some things out

Jack- Are you sure that you're okay? Just let me know if you need anything from me.

You- I promise I'm fine, if you could pick him up today from daycare that would be perfect

Jack- Whatever you need

Jack told you that Ace was excited to spend a few days with him, but he was also concerned about you. He felt as if there was something that you were keeping from him and he made it his mission to facetime you after he put Ace to sleep.

Currently you were stuffing your face with some stuffed pasta shells that you had made earlier when your phone rang. You glanced to see that it was Jack and sighed. You didn't want to talk to anyone, but had to make sure that it didn't have anything to do with Ace.

“Hey.” You softly said as you propped your phone up so that you could continue eating and Jack could immediately tell that something was wrong.

“Y/N, something is wrong and don't lie to me and say that it's nothing.”

“It's nothing for you to worry about. I can deal with it.”

“I went to pick up Ace and when he took me to see you in your classroom, you were nowhere to be found.”

“I guess not because I don't work there anymore.”

Jack's eyes went wide.

“Fuck. It's because of me, isn't it?”

“I don't blame you for it happening if that's what you're thinking.”

“But it's my fault.”

“It was going to happen eventually. I figured that it would only be a matter of time. Where's my baby?” You responded while trying to shrug it off.

“Our baby is sleeping.”

You glanced at the time on the clock that was hanging on the wall in your kitchen and saw that it was a little past 8 at night. You were happy to see that Jack was keeping him on his normal schedule.

“Hmm.”

“His bedtime is 7:30 so the same thing goes when he comes over here. But we aren't done talking about your job so stop trying to change the subject.”

“There’s nothing left to say. It's just going to be ten times harder for me to find another job teaching.”

“Just take a break and relax for a while.”

“Jack, bills do not stop and I don't have the luxury of doing that.”

“You have me and I'm going to take care of it. Y/N, you aren't in this by yourself anymore.”

“No. I'm not a golddigger and we aren't even together so that doesn't sit right with me.”

“Don't you think I know that by now? Just let me help you. How does it look if I let the mother of my child struggle when she doesn't have to.”

All you did was shake your head and Jack looked at you confused.

“What's that face for? Just let me do this to help you.”

"Why, Jackman? Why now? Where was all of this compassion you had for me when I was pregnant with your child and scared shitless because I literally had NO ONE.” You asked him as you threw your fork down.

“Because we're moving towards a better future, that's why. I know that you have a right to be pissed at me for a million lifetimes all because I was too scared to step up and take care of my responsibilities. But I promise that will never happen again. My parents and Clay would kill me if it did.”

“You've made promises to me in the past and they proved to be empty.”

“This time it won't be.” Jack replied as you took a deep breath.

“Please don't make me regret this.”

You noticed that Jack wasn't looking directly at you and figured that he was doing something on his phone.

“Send me all your expenses for the month so I can add it to my bank account to come out automatically. And I also just put 5,000 in your account and I don't want to hear a word out of you. I'm doing this.”

“But…”

“Matter of fact since I know you'll be free for a little while, pack a bag with a few outfits and you can come over tonight or tomorrow. I think tonight would be better since you won't have to get up so early.”

“Wait, what? For what?”

“I have a few interviews and appearances to do so I'm bringing you and Ace with me. I already posted about having a son so it's not a secret. That way we can really spend time together like an actual family. I know Ace will be excited about that.”

Well, he didn't say anything that was wrong and you had absolutely nothing to lose.

“Fine, give me an hour.”

“Okay, let me get the guest room ready for you. And pick between lavender or vanilla.”

“Oh, you do this for all the girls that stay at your house? And what am I picking this for?”

“No, only for the special girls and you happen to be the first one. I also want you to be the last one if you’ll let me but we'll address that later. Now pick one.”

“I… lavender.”

“Okay your bath will be ready when you get here too.”

“Jackman!”

“See you soon, babe.”

It was around 10 at night when you finally reached his house and knocked on the door. Once he opened it, he was all smiles and took your bag from you and moved to the side so you could pass the threshold.

“I have everything set up for you, come on and follow me.”

Climbing the stairs of his house, you took in your surroundings because you literally hadn't been in it for more than five minutes. You saw multiple awards decorating the walls along with a few pictures of him and Ace, Clay, and his parents. Jack led you into what you assumed was his bedroom and he set your things in his closet.

“I have a little more room in here than the guest room closet does so I put your things in there and my bathroom is bigger so I have everything set up for you in there.”

“You definitely didn't have to do this.” You replied walking into the bathroom and you were in awe. The smell of lavender hit your nose upon entering and were surprised to see that multiple candles were lit. Jack came up behind you to throw in a lavender bath bomb as you were taking it all in. You couldn't even remember the last time someone did something like this for you.

“So that's why you asked me if I wanted lavender or vanilla?” You said and he simply nodded.

“Water is warm and I want you to take all the time you need. Your towel is here along with your robe….”

“What? My own robe?” You asked, cutting Jack off.

“Yes, I got it earlier today. I knew that something had happened and I picked up some things in order to help you hopefully feel better.”

“Well I appreciate you doing this for me. Can't remember the last time that someone was this nice to me.” You said and you caught Jack off guard as you went to hug him. After the initial shock, he hugged you back. This was as close as you two had been since Ace was conceived. Because the two of you were usually arguing.

“Of course, now come on before the water gets cold. I’ll crack the door so if you need me just call out.”

“Okay.”

You stayed in the bathroom for close to an hour before getting out and drying off. After blowing out the candles and brushing your teeth with the toothbrush that Jack had bought you along with giving a quick rinse to your face, you walked out to see him reading with the tv on a low volume. He heard your footsteps and looked up and smiled at you.

“Feel better?”

“I do, surprisingly.”

“I got the guest room ready for you and it's right next to Ace’s.” He told you as he put his book down and hopped up from the bed.

“Okay.”

“Oh wait, you need something to sleep in. Did you want to grab it out of your bag? If not, I can give you one of my shirts.”

“Your shirt is fine.”

Jack handed you one of his many Louisville Cardinals shirts and you held onto it and planned on changing into it once you reached the guest room.

“And make sure you don't steal this one.” Jack playfully told you as he remembered the many shirts that you stole from him during the very short time that you two were together.

“Hmm, no promises. I still have all the other ones and this will just be another one I add to my growing collection.” You answered as you thought about all the shirts that you had of his in your closet.

“Soon, I won't have any.”

“Stop being so dramatic.”

After Jack was back in his bedroom, it gave him time to think as he threw the comforter over himself and got comfortable.

He knew that this didn't fix the amount of pain that he put you through, but was thinking that it was a good enough start. He wanted to really prove to you that he was all in when it came to you and Ace. His end goal was having the three of you under the same roof and truly being a family. He knew it was a longshot, but he at least had to try. Progress was made when you gave him a hug catching him off guard and he felt that it was a huge step in the right direction. You had been doing everything by yourself for too long and it was time for that to change.

It was around 10 in the morning when all of you were on a plane headed to Boston. You and Ace were sitting next to each other and you were doing your best to entertain him while Jack was in front of the both of you when Urban came and sat next to him.

“Hmm so I see you two are talking?” Urban asked, gesturing towards you.

“Yeah, I'm just happy she's giving me a chance to get this right or at least try to.”

“Your ass finally grew up and it was about damn time.” Clay commented as he passed the both of them and went to pick up Ace.

“I'm also hoping that she'll be in a relationship with me again.” Jack quietly said in the hopes that you wouldn't hear and Urban just stared at him.

“You're my best friend and I have to be honest. I want you to be happy, but that sounds damn near impossible.”

“I know it sounds crazy, but I want us all under one roof. So much has happened and I have to make it right.”

“You can make it right by being a good father to Ace. Making it right doesn't necessarily mean that you two need to be together.”

“But I want to be, that's the thing. Truth be told, I see how amazing Ace is and I want more but I only want them with her.”

“You have done some serious soul searching because that sounds weird to hear you say.”

“Only thing is, I don't know if she'll go for it.”

“I mean, do you blame her? Look at how much shit you put her through.”

“But she hugged me last night. I called to check on her and I told her to come over because I knew she was upset. I bought her a whole bunch of things and ran a bath for her. I'm honestly surprised she said yes, but then again I wouldn't take no for an answer.”

“And yall didn't fuck? That was the perfect setup.”

“No! I need to take this slow and do it right.”

“Well…I… I just want you happy and if this will make you happy then okay.”

“What's the pushback for?” Jack questioned Urban as he saw him sigh.

“Look, this seems to be going a little too well and Y/N might pull something because of all the shit you've done to her.”

“Urb, she's not like that.”

“And how do you know? You were in a relationship with her for six months at most. You don't even know her if we're being honest.”

“I know enough to know that she wouldn’t do that, because she would have done it already with as much shit that has happened.”

“Well whatever happens, I'm here for you.”

“I appreciate that.”

It was the last day that you were all spending in Boston and you were currently helping Ace get ready because Jack surprised him and told him that he was taking him to a Celtics’ game. Knowing that Jayson Tatum was Ace’s favorite player, he got him a jersey in his size and he was wearing jean shorts with the New Balances that Jack designed. He also gifted you a pair that you planned on wearing with your olive green pants and white cropped hoodie.

When you were finished helping Ace tie his shoes, Jack walked in and smiled at the scene in front of him.

“Daddy, I’m ready!” Ace exclaimed as he ran over to Jack and he immediately picked him up.

“So that means we should get going. I have a feeling that you’re going to like where we’re sitting.” Jack had mentioned to you that you all would be sitting courtside and you didn’t tell him this, but you immediately got nervous. If you were sitting anywhere near him, you knew for a fact that cameras were going to be on the two of you which also meant that they would be on Ace.

Before Jack told Ace about his surprise, he consulted you first simply because this would be Jack’s first public appearance with him having Ace with him. He made sure that you were on board and assured you that he made a few calls to have an increase in security since the two of you would be with him.

Jack then looked over at you and smirked.

“Not you stealing my outfit.”

You looked at him confused before you looked down to see that the two of you were indeed matching. All you did was laugh to yourself and shake your head.

“I got dressed first so you in fact stole my outfit, not the other way around.” You replied back as you made your way over to the two of them.

“Hmm, I admit you do look good in it.” Jack replied and you tried to stop the smile from appearing on your face, but you failed miserably. It also didn’t help with the series of butterflies erupting in your stomach at this very moment.

“Daddy, can I get a hot dog?!” Ace asked as he looked at him hoping that he would say yes.

“Whatever you want, bubs.”

The three of you were currently outside of the arena and had just gotten out of the car when Jack could sense your nervousness and made a point to ask you if you were okay.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s going on over there in that head of yours?” He asked as he whispered in your ear as the three of you were being led inside by security through the back entrance in the hopes of avoiding too many fans. Last thing that Jack would want to happen is them bombarding him when you and Ace were with him.

“Just nervous, I guess. I’m not used to being around big crowds of people.”

Jack was holding Ace as he quickly went to grab your hand and held onto it tightly as he squeezed it.

“It's going to be fine, you’re with me. Just let me know if you ever feel overwhelmed and need a minute.”

You nodded your head towards him and Jack gave you a small smile in return. Soon after, you three were led to your seats and Ace couldn’t contain his excitement.

“Ace? What do you think of this view, bubs? You like it?” Jack asked and Ace immediately nodded his head as he spotted Jayson who was coming out to warm up.

“Daddy! Look!” Ace replied as he pointed in Jayson’s direction.

“Do you want to meet him?” Jack had sent Jayson a text the night before telling him that he was going to be at the game and that he was bringing Ace and how he was his favorite player. Jayson responded and told him that he would definitely make it a point to say hi to Ace during the night.

Suddenly Ace’s eyes went wide and he proceeded to turn around and hide in Jack’s chest. He would get like this often when he was meeting new people, but once he warmed up to them he was fine. He finally peeked up at Jack and gave him a slow nod which led to Jack smiling at him.

Once Jayson spotted Jack, he jogged his way over to all three of you and immediately greeted you and Jack before turning his attention to Ace.

“This must be the famous Ace that I heard so much about.” Jayson said as he squatted down to his height.

“That's me! How did you know my name?” Ace asked while looking at him confused.

“I know your dad and he told me all about you. I also heard that this is your first game?”

“Yes! My daddy got your jersey for me. Oh I forgot to say thank you. Thank you daddy.” He answered as he looked down at his outfit.

“You're welcome bubs.”

“Ace, I'll make a deal with you. If we win, I'll give you the ball.”

“Really?” He asked as his eyes went wide.

“As long as you're good for mom and dad the entire game, you can have it.”

It was safe to say that the Celtics won and Jayson even signed the ball before handing it to Ace who couldn't contain his excitement.

By the time that you all got back to the hotel and put Ace to sleep, your back was on fire. Your plan was to take ibuprofen and lay down as soon as possible.

Jack noticed you wincing as you came to steal his charger since yours was on its last leg and would charge when it wanted to. He quickly grabbed your hand to question you about it.

“What's hurting? You're wincing.”

“My back, but I'll just take something and go to sleep. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does I can barely move for like two days.”

“Umm, I can help you if you want.” Jack replied and you looked at him confused.

“Help me how?”

“I can give you a massage to help get the kinks out. It’ll probably make it feel better.”

“Seriously? Is this your plan to try and seduce me?” You questioned him while laughing.

“No funny business I swear.” He said as he held his hands up in defense.

“Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt.”

“Just let me check on Ace and make sure he's asleep. You can stay in here and take off your clothes so you’ll be ready for me.”

“It sounds weird when you say it like that.” You replied as you plugged in your phone and waited for an indication to see that it was indeed charging.

“I did want to be a massage therapist at one point and I’ve been told that my hands work magic.”

“Hmm, I bet all the girls tell you that, don’t they?”

“Well now these hands are only reserved for you so you’ll have to tell me when I’m finished.” Jack winked at you before going to Ace’s room in the suite that was across the hall. You listened to instructions as you got somewhat undressed and wrapped yourself in a towel and simply sat on the bed and waited for Jack.

Once he returned, he locked the door behind him and told you to lay on your stomach with your chin resting on your arms. Jack undid your towel and moved it so that it was sitting right at your waist when you heard his voice.

“Um, Y/N, you have to take your bra off too.”

“Hmm, close your eyes and don't look.”

“Promise even though I've seen them plenty of times and even had them in my mouth.”

Rolling your eyes, you ignored his last comment as you slid the bra off your shoulders and placed it next to you on the bed. Next thing you knew you felt warm liquid on your back and Jack’s hands rubbing it in.

“What the? Where did you get the oil from?!”

“Shh, don’t worry about it. Just relax so I can make your back feel better.”

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but your back definitely felt better and you were glad that you agreed to let Jack do this for you. As you were about to move a little to the side to get more comfortable, you felt Jack hands on the outside of your back and they got higher until they became dangerously close to your boobs before making their way back down. He had done it a few more times before you decided to adjust again as his fingers lightly brushed against your nipples.

As his hands started to move back down, you quickly caught one of them and moved it so that it was right on the outside of your breast. Meanwhile, Jack is starting to get nervous because he wasn’t quite sure what to make of your sudden movement, but him asking a simple question was all the confirmation he needed.

“Y/N, you want me to do the front of your body too?”

“Yes.”

As you flipped over, your breasts were on full display for him and you laid your head back down as he grabbed more oil to place it on the front of your arms and chest. He massaged the oil into your arms first before gliding it over your chest and moving his way down to your stomach. Once he reached the lower part of your body, he wanted to move the towel to the side, but asked for your permission first.

“Is it okay, if I move this?”

You nodded your head and that was all the confirmation he needed. Moving the towel away from the bed, you were fully naked in front of him and he started to massage your thighs as he was trying to do his best to focus, he noticed that his pants were getting tighter and tighter begging for some type of release.

He had made his way down your entire body and quickly grabbed your hand to help you sit up indicating that he was finished. Once you did, you noticed the bulge that was evident in his pants. No words were exchanged as you immediately undid them and heard a quiet hiss escape from his mouth as you pulled them down to have them pool at his feet. His dick sprung to life and without another word being spoken, you took him in your mouth.

“Oh shit.” Was all he could moan out as he focused on you pleasuring him.

He made a makeshift ponytail of your curly hair so that it could be out the way, but knew because all of this built up sexual tension that he had every time that he was around you that he probably wasn’t going to last long.

As you released him, a river of saliva made its way out of your mouth quickly landing on Jack’s dick as you slowly put your mouth back on him.

“Y/N… fuck!”

You held eye contact with him as you moved him in and out of your mouth as he held your head in place. Your jaw was getting somewhat tired because of how big he was, but knew that he was close once you felt him twitch in your mouth.

Catching him off guard, you released him from your mouth again and he looked at you confused before you began jerking him off and sucking his balls at the same time. That was your go to move to get him to cum when you two were together and by his reaction, it still was.

“Yes, babe. Keep going, keep fucking going. I’m almost there.”

Within thirty seconds he was coming undone in front of you and you made it a point to take him back in your mouth as he was coming down from his high as you milked him dry.

When his breathing returned to normal, you simply looked up at him to see him now peeling off his shirt and removing his pants and boxer briefs from his ankles.

“You missed me sucking your dick, huh? Because I could definitely tell.” You told him as you wiped his cum from the corner of your mouth and quickly sucked it, tasting the last of it.

“I missed so much more than that, but you’re right.” Jack said as he brought his hand up to stroke your face and then leaned down to kiss you.

As hard as it was to admit, that was a feeling that you had missed.

“I figured I would return the favor for you giving me a massage, but you missed one spot.” You said as you took him in your hands again.

“Where’s that?” Jack asked and his voice suddenly got deeper making you become even wetter. Jack knew exactly where you were talking about but he wanted to hear you say it.

“You didn’t massage my pussy and I’m going to need for you to do something about that before I do it myself.” You answered as your fingers went to massage your clit, but Jack caught your hand.

“No need to do it yourself, because I’m here. Spread those legs for me.”

Smirking, you laid back as you spread your legs and soon felt Jack in between them. You felt him kiss it before he gave you one long lick making you moan and he immediately stopped.

“Be quiet babe. Don’t want you waking up Ace.”

You nodded your head and he continued to pleasure you as he slipped two fingers into you and made a note how wet you were for him.

Your hands found their way into his curly hair as you spread your legs even wider so that he could have better access to you. Catching you off guard, Jack stopped leaving you confused as he laid down on the bed next to you but not before throwing your bra that you had placed there clear across the room.

“Get up here and sit on my face.” He told you as he tapped your leg and you swung it over so that you were positioned perfectly with the help of Jack.

He had a tight hold on your legs and you knew for a fact that trying to get away from him would be damn near impossible.

As his mouth began to run over your folds, you placed your hand over your mouth in order to help you keep quiet.

Jack wasn't making it easy for you as he began to give his undivided attention to your clit. He quickly noticed how you began squirming and squeezed your legs even tighter anticipating that you would try to move away from him.

“What did I use to tell you about running from me?” Jack asked as he came up for air and was waiting for a response from you.

“That you wouldn't let me cum.”

“Good. Now stay still.”

In order to give yourself some leverage, you rested your arms on the headboard as you felt that familiar feeling in your stomach become more pronounced.

“Oh shit.” You couldn't help but to moan out.

Hearing your soft moans and whimpers was music to Jack’s ears as he could tell you were close.

Squirting all over his face, he continued to lick your folds as you did your best to stay quiet in the hopes of not waking Ace up.

When he was finished, he placed multiple kisses along your thighs as you rested against the headboard. When you felt as if you could function again, you moved yourself away from his face and scooted down until you were hovering over him leaning down to give him several kisses as you went which he eagerly returned.

“Give me another one. I miss kissing you.” You heard him say as he guided you back down to meet his lips with yours.

In between kisses, you slowly smiled because you felt the same way.

Not knowing how long he had you there for, you slowly felt him lift his hips up to enter you and you met him halfway as a moan escaped both of you.

To make yourself more steady, your hands rested on his stomach while his hands went to your hips to help guide you.

“You're riding me so good, baby.”

Using him saying that was your motivation, you began to go faster as his arms had now wrapped around your waist fully and sat up to suck on your breasts making a loud moan escape from you.

As he continued to kiss all over your chest, without warning, he flipped the two of you over so that he was now hovering above you and placed your legs back as far as they would go as he entered you again, bottoming out and began to move in and out of you slowly.

“Oh fuck, Jack go faster.” You breathed out and no words were spoken as he listened to what you wanted for him to do.

Within two minutes your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks and Jack slowly moved out of you as he came all over your chest and stomach.

The only thing that could be heard was both of your erratic breathing as you were trying to steady it. Once Jack had done so, he went into the bathroom before he made his way back over to you, gliding the warm cloth all along your body. When he was finished, he laid down next to you and immediately turned your body towards him once more so he could kiss you.

When the two of you finally broke apart, Jack still had his arm wrapped around you as you cuddled into his chest.

Waiting until Jack fell asleep and you helped move the process along by playing in his hair which you always did when you two were together, you gathered your clothes and made your way back to your room and took a quick shower before laying down and pulling the comforter over your body.

You were wide awake and your mind was racing thinking about what had just happened between you and Jack.

Regret didn't come across your mind at all, but now you didn't know where the two of you stood. Jack had been hinting on wanting to be in a relationship with you again, but at this moment in time you just weren't sure. He has definitely stepped up and been the father that Ace deserves but could he be the person that you needed when it came to a relationship?

Grabbing your phone, you opened the group chat and sent a text to Nadia, Blaire, and Liv.

You- I just did a thing….

Liv- Explain the thing!

Nadia- Wait, why are we all up? Where's Blaire?

Blaire- Present!

You- I just had sex with Jack

Liv- Oh

Blaire- 😀😀😀😀😀😀

Nadia- Okay, what's the problem? You got dicked down!

You- I think that I'm leaning towards giving him a second chance

[wedgiestoriescollective]

The Senior: Years Later

Hello all! Before I start the next story in my “The Senior” series, I wanted to share that since I began writing, uploading, and reuploading these stories on here some things have changed. While I have been sharing my experiences with wedgies on here, these stories thus far have been about my experiences with them as a child and teenager. This didn’t initially bother me because I was sharing and, in a way, reliving these memories through my writing. But it bothers me now. 

Had my experiences with Chase concluded while we were both underage, I would have just stopped writing these stories all together. Yet this is not the case. So, this next part (and the final part following that) will take place four years after the previous story. When we were both consenting adults. I hope you enjoy,

                 

I was sitting at home alone. Well, I was sitting alone in the house where I grew up. I was visiting my parents during a short summer break from the musical theater conservatory I was attending. I hadn’t been home in over ten months. The conservatory went by a unique school schedule, so the week I was home didn’t coincide well with my parent’s work. As both are teachers, they still had school. It was nice being away from my classes, rehearsals, and at my part-time work in Times Square retail. So, things were busy. I was on the couch, a bag of pretzels in my lap as I watched some current popular TV show. My phone vibrated.

“Hey”, the text read.

I immediately recognized the phone number. I had deleted his contact multiple times. I even blocked the number once. Yet, those numbers were as familiar as his name.

“Hey”, I text back.

I pause the TV, redirecting my attention to my phone. I pushed the bag of pretzels aside. The text bubbles (a new IOS feature at the time) visualized three dots, Chase writing a response.

“I saw you were in town. How have you been? Chase texted.

At this time, it had been years since we had communicated with each other. And even longer since we’d last seen each other. Last time I had seen him, I was a Junior, and he was in town on Spring Break from his college in Colorado. We’d met up at my place and almost gotten caught by my parents. We quickly averted detection by sneaking out through the garage, but the stress of the moment gave me pause. Had me so scared of being discovered as anything other than “appropriate” or “normal” that I had (again) cut Chase out of my life.

“I am in town, I’ve been pretty good” I type on my phone, before deleting it.  

“Yeah, it’s been chill”.

I send the text and quickly place my phone face down as far away on the couch from me as I can reach. The phone immediately vibrates, but I force myself to remain still. The similar pattern presenting itself. He texts, I reply, he texts, I reply. Then minutes go by with nothing. Those minutes used to torture me, even when sometimes those minutes turned to hours, or the rest of the night. I promised myself I wouldn’t obsess over this again. That I was better than this. I remained still for just over five minutes before gently reaching over to my phone.

“Give any wedgies in the big apple yet?” Chase texted.

He skipped passed the unnecessary formalities. I hadn’t wedgied any guys in NYC at that point. There wasn’t any time, and I had my own revelations I was working through. Within a month of living in NYC, I had come to understand and accept that I was so far in the closet that I found Christmas presents. I had started trying things on in my new “out” life. Mostly through chats on dating apps or…. well, that’s all I did. I was out to my classmates at school, but back home I slipped back into the guy I was before I moved to NYC. Chase had been out for years by this point.

“I haven’t, too busy! Lol =(“ I reply.

“I have been thinking about the one’s you’d give me.” Chase texts.

“Really?” I reply.

“Yeah, it was hot”. Chase replies.

I politely ignored the fact that I was sporting blushed cheeks. Also, my hard on. I was ignoring that too. My phone vibrated.

“Wanna come over? I can pick you up.”

I looked at the phone in disbelief. After all that we’d been through. The shame that I felt and sometimes still have. The times that we’d avoid each other at all costs. Here he was again, offering to pick me up. To spend time with him. To wedgie him. It’s as if the closeted, hidden high school version of myself peeled away. I stood up and hopped in the shower, but not before typing and sending my response.

“Sure, you know where I live.”

When I opened Chase’s front car door, he looks at me and it was simultaneously as if time hadn’t past while there were also apparent timely differences. Both of us now sported stubble, mine being closer to a beard. Yet, he still had that stupid plush dice dangling from his windshield. We chatted. I don’t remember about what. It was small talk, but I do remember there was a moment when he said something along the lines of “maybe you can’t do that, but you can give a good wedgie”. I remember how my hard on never subsided while sitting in his car. It’s funny what remains of your memories over time.

Chase pulls into the garage of his house. I had never been here before. He gets out of the car and nonchalantly enters his home, knowing I’d follow. There was a black lab that excitedly greeted me. I followed Chase into his room, and he closed the door behind him.

Chase’s room was the standard expected room of a teenager. Sports posters on the wall. His bass on a stand in the corner. A pile of clothes scattered on the floor. Chase noticed me looking at the pile.

“Find any underwear in there?” Chase asked.

“A couple” I reply.

Chase walks up to the front of his bed, taking off his grey zip-up and then tossing it on the ground. He stares at me a for a second as I stare back at him. He’s wearing a slim fitted light grey t-shirt and jeans. Chase then turns around, his back now facing me. I remember feeling awkward standing in that silence. Like I didn’t know how to fill it. We used to have so much to talk about. There were still things that should be said. Yet, I remained silent, lost in where to start.

“Do it” Chase said quietly. Almost as if through an exhale of breath.

His words snapped me out of my haze as if we were in high school flirting in our distant way. Our words and jokes that were just between us. Because no one, not even each other could ever know our true desire for the other. Except, we weren’t in high school anymore, and both of us since then had come out to our close friends, but more importantly to ourselves. That layer of shame was no longer relevant nor present. Nothing was stopping me.

“Do what?” I teasingly ask, taking a couple steps closer to him.

“Give me a wedgie. Please” and then he said my name. I don’t know why, but I found that hot. I was now directly behind him. It was again as if time hadn’t passed. Like I’d done plenty of times before, I lifted his shirt and fingered my way through the waistband of his jeans which also donned a brown leather belt. Once my fingers obstructively found the underwear, I made the waistband of them visible with a gentle tug. The underwear’s black waistband donned the word Hanes stitched multiple times in skinny white letters. The fabric underneath the waistband was dark grey.

I looked forward and clocked my own eyes in the reflection of the full body mirror to the right of Chase’s nightstand. I then locked eyes with Chase who was also staring at me through the mirror. It was like old times. I sharply tugged on the Hanes waistband and Chase arched his head and groaned as simultaneously the leg holes of the underwear came in full display above his jean’s waistband. That was new.

“I was curious” Chase said smirking slightly at me as I had him up on toes as held his underwear up in my grasp. Then I lift upward on my toes almost lifting Chase off the ground by his light grey briefs. My cock is at full attention now, obviously visible through the front of my black joggers. As I continue tugging at Chase’s underwear, on the occasion tug the bulge would briefly drag or rest on Chase’s ass. He knew where I was at.

I continue tugging, alternating between slow gradual pulls and quick pulsating tugs. On each pull, Chase varied his sound responses. Some were groans, quick exhales, and my personal favorite the occasional “ooh” or “ahh”. I got the grey briefs all the way up to his neck at the highest but I would then mess around with this wedgie by snapping the briefs against his back multiple times. I would also tug while pushing him forward only then to pull him back towards me, inching the underwear further in his butt. I at this point have never wedgied Chase in briefs. This made it exciting and new in a way I couldn’t begin to explain at the time, but thinking back on it I was likely excited by the arousal of it all.

The grey briefs were bunched, leg holes and all were above his jeans. I reach my hands in front of Chase, gently moving my hands towards his belt buckle. I slowly start navigating the belt buckle loose and I unbutton his jeans. I then abruptly pants Chase, leaving his wedgied ass full on display. Chase turns his head back towards me, smirking.

“Having fun?” He asks as he slowly pulls his briefs out of his ass and back into place.

I then lifted Chase toward me by his hips, so that his neck was right up against my face. I kiss his neck. Chase moans. I kiss his neck again, but this time as Chase moans I kiss him on the lips. Our first kiss. This right here was all I had ever wanted. His lips on mine.  He didn’t pull away. He turned around wrapping his arms around my shoulder as we continued kissing. His tongue quickly made its way into my mouth, and mine in his. I don’t remember gripping his waistband as we continued kissing, but when I opened my eyes for the first time as Chase was kissing my neck, I saw myself through Chase’s mirror, with his grey briefs lodged up his ass so hard that besides the fabric in my grasp there was no indication Chase was even wearing underwear. It was lodged that far up his perfect round ass. I tugged again sharply with my right hand while my left hand pulled Chase’s head back by his hair.

For a moment, we both simply stared at each other. No longer seeing the scared kids we were years before, but instead seeing ourselves as the men that we are. Men that are kind, yet long for another man’s attention, lust, maybe even love. Yet, in that moment we just remained present. In our own kinky way.

The kissing and the wedgies continued. I even let him briefly tug my blue Jockey boxer briefs softly up my butt, but he remained eager for his flossing. The only thing keeping me from ripping his briefs clean off him was the continued kissing, it was proving to be a weakness of mine. Over the next couple of minutes, Chase kissed his way down my body. From my lips to my neck, to my nipples, and further down my stomach. Chase was on his knees now, alternating between looking at my throbbing bulge and up at me. He looked so beautiful looking up at me, as if I could solve all his life’s problems. Chase slowly then lowered my black joggers off me while still looking at me. Pre cum was already staining the front of my blue boxer briefs as Chase lowered those too. This wasn’t his first time seeing my cock. Back in our high school days we dared each other to hold the others cock in the car for a minute. But this was certainly different. Especially because this time Chase was licking the pre cum off the tip of my cock before putting the rest of it in his mouth.

I audibly moaned as my cock was blown for the first time, overwhelmed by the sensation of it. The newness of it. The excitement of it. All of it felt like a lock was finally clicking open. My whole body recoiled when Chase took a moment to merely tickle my cock with small kisses. He’d told me he was hooking up quite a lot in college in the text exchanges we shared when we chatted briefly after he came out. Back when I was still so scared to accept that part of myself. Before I ghosted him.

“I always thought that you had a hot cock” Chase said looking at me.

I looked down at him, feeling aristocratic as I noticed his grey briefs still lodged up his ass. Chase went back at my cock again; except this time, I cupped the back of his head with my left hand, gently pushing his head inward so my entire cock could face fuck its way down his throat. My other hand between thrusts reached down Chase’s back to grip the grey briefs. As I alternated between thrusting my body forward and pulling on the underwear, I felt closer to myself. As if I was about to descend on the first drop on a roller coaster. I felt drops of sweat trickle off my chin. I looked down then, only seeing Chase’s brown hair and his briefs gripped in my hand halfway up his back, lodged up his ass.

It was then when I remembered the time he yelled at me after we got caught by a police officer. We were rubbing each other’s cocks in an empty parking lot with sunshades over the window of Chase’s car. How scared we both were. How we reacted differently. And then, how when I was a Junior in high school when I saw he had posted a picture on Instagram with a guy. A boyfriend. How betrayed I felt. How exposed that post made me feel. But also, how lonely it made him feel as well.

I gently let go of Chase’s briefs and removed myself from his mouth, pretending like I heard my phone vibrate. I made up something about my mom wondering where I was and that she needed me home. Chase understood, we dressed, and he drove me home. When we got back to my house, there were no other cars in the driveway.

“She wanted me to be ready to go by 4”. I said, trying to talk my way out of the lie.

Chase seemed like he understood, but I must give him more credit. It’s possible that Chase knew I was lying. Still, before I could get out of the car he stopped me. Gently his hand clasped into mine. Again, something new. He leaned in and he kissed me gently. For a moment, I succumbed to it. The desire and lust I still very much had from the past hour’s activities. Tongues touched. He still grasped my hand. And then as if I teleported, I was locking my front door, and he was driving away.

I ran to the bathroom, stripped off my clothes, and stepped in the shower where I preceded to go into my usual, comfortable, one-man routine of pleasing myself. I came within minutes recounting it all. Moaning at full volume as I came. My cum, shooting towards the top of the screen door in the shower, before then slowly trickling downward. As the hot water continued running down my hair and body, I felt both euphoric and lonely. Hoping that the phone would vibrate with a text from Chase saying he came or that he wanted to meet up again. Yet, I sat alone under the running water knowing that it wouldn’t.

[lulu2992]

hi! i hope you don't mind me asking you this, but i feel like you're the most reliable source for this, haha. i saw that you answered an ask about john, explaining what to keep in mind when writing him, and i was wondering if you could do the same thing with jacob? as in, what characteristics to keep in mind when writing him and all !! i would seriously appreciate it a lot!! i wish you all the best and thank you for everything you're sharing with the fandom <3

Hi! And thank you very much for your kind words :)

As I did in the post about John (here, for anyone who is interested), I’m first going to give you a few links and facts about the Soldier! By the way, “the Soldier”, unlike “the Father” and “the Baptist”, isn’t Jacob’s official title in the cult, it’s just how he was called in promotional material (and by Dutch).

You must have played Far Cry 5 and seen the cutscenes already, but I’m still going to summarize his backstory and beliefs to try to write a comprehensive post. And in case you’ve missed them or want to listen to them again, here are:

His radio calls in chronological order (here, here, here, here, and here)

His sermons (part 1 and part 2)

The comments he makes during the trials

The audio of his two videos (“I own you”, broadcasted inside the Stone Ridge chalet, and the one with Pratt)

The message on the phone in the Stone Ridge Chalet

What he says during the final fight against him (here and here)

His Arcade lines

Finally, even though they were cut, you can find his unreleased lines here.

I wrote a summary of what other characters say about Jacob here (masterpost here), but you can listen to the NPCs’ comments here (cultists) and here (Resistance/civilians).

As for in-game notes, to my knowledge, only one was undoubtedly written by Jacob. It can be found in his bunker, Jacob’s Armory:

Dan Hay (Executive Producer/Creative Director/Writer) and Jean-Sébastien Décant (Narrative Director/Writer) talked extensively about John in a video for IGN, but unfortunately for us, the other members of the family didn’t have that privilege...

However, in a now-deleted interview for GameCrate, Drew Holmes (Lead Writer) said the following:

Jacob Seed, who’s the older brother, maybe doesn’t necessarily believe in Joseph’s message that God told him the end of the world was coming, but he believes in his brother, doesn’t matter if he’s right or wrong, he going to march forward with him.

And although Jacob loves his brothers, he reportedly doesn’t care much about Faith, according to the Lead Writer and NPC dialog.

In The Book of Joseph (which you can read here), Jacob is described as a protective big brother and an adventurous child who loved nature and “only felt comfortable in the outdoors”. He would sometimes steal candy for his two brothers so they “could have a bit of sweetness and comfort in [their] lives”. Their childhood was indeed miserable, mostly because their father was very violent. While he was “strong” and could withstand being beaten regularly, he hated seeing his youngest brother John in pain, so he started thinking about getting rid of their abuser. It’s unknown if he would have done it, but he never got to put his plan into action thanks to Joseph, who convinced him not to, and to child protective services.

The boys were sent to an orphanage and adopted by a couple, but they treated them like servants and “livestock”, even making them sleep in a barn. One night, Jacob had enough and, after waking his brothers up and freeing the animals, set fire to the property. When the couple ran outside, he also knocked out the husband with an axe handle. That led him to be sent to a juvenile detention center and separated from his brothers. There, he was “a bit of a troublemaker” and the guards didn’t like him. However, the teachers believed he had potential and was a good leader. At the end of his sentence, Jacob joined the army.

He spent several years (20, according to Dan Hay) in the military (the Marines according to the book, the 82nd Airborne Division according to the game) before being declared unfit for service because he suffered from PTSD. He then spent some time in a military hospital but was kicked out when he couldn’t afford it anymore. After that, he never received his pension (for unknown reasons) and started living on the streets, basically becoming invisible. Joseph found him “completely hollow” in a homeless shelter and only recognized him because he was calling his brothers’ names in his sleep.

Once the three brothers were reunited, Jacob “slowly came back to life” and swore to follow Joseph to the end. In the cult, his goal is to build and train an army so they’re ready for the Collapse, able to survive in the post-apocalyptic wilderness, and protect the rest of the Family.

In the game, he talks about the moment that redefined his life. During the first Gulf War, he and another soldier named Miller got separated from their unit because of an ambush and had to survive in the Iraqi desert. On the eighth day, he realized they were most likely going to die and accepted it, but “in that acceptance came clarity”. He saw Miller, who was barely able to walk anymore, as “an opportunity” for him to live… implying he cannibalized him. He adds it wasn’t something he wanted but something he had to do; his “test” (from God, I assume).

Because of this dehumanizing (and traumatizing) experience, Jacob came to believe that humanity was divided into two categories: the weak and the strong. The weak are not meant to survive, but they have a purpose. He thinks people are “meat”, “tools”, and expendable, so he doesn’t hesitate to “cull the herd” (his mantra) so only the strongest soldiers are in his army. He thinks society and modern technology have made humans weak and that people should return to their natural selves, like ancient men (who were an example of strength, to him). The Collapse will be a new beginning, but his soldiers need to be ready for it, which is why he obsessively selects and trains them, and doesn’t hesitate to experiment on converts.

As demonstrated with the Deputy in the game, Jacob conditions potential recruits using Bliss, violent images, and the song “Only You” (because of this scrapped idea) so they uncontrollably go on a killing spree whenever they hear the song. He starves them, keeps them in cages, and makes them go through trials to test their strength and teach them how to hunt and kill. He also expects them to “sacrifice”, as explained in this note (Grand View Hotel):

To pass through the Gate you must SACRIFICE something of yourself, to let go of the past and fully embrace your future with the Father. It has to have meaning. What is it that is keeping you here? What is it that anchors you, that prevents you from giving yourself freely to the Father? Is it your husband, your wife, your child? Maybe your brother, or mother? Once you have rid yourself of the shackles of your old life then you can open your heart to the Father’s voice.

He experiments on animals as well, mostly wolves, to turn them into mind-controlled “Judges”, more powerful and aggressive, and able to attack on command.

Like his siblings, Jacob has a strong personal philosophy inspired by his past. He basically makes the people he converts relive his trauma because he thinks it will make them better, fitter to serve the Project. He has specific goals but, as brutal as his actions are, isn’t cruel for the sake of cruelty. He tests people the way he believes he was tested, makes them go through starvation and dehumanization so they can revert to their primordial instincts, become warriors and be truly alive; reborn.

Jacob isn’t a very demonstrative man and is rather stoic, but I don’t think that means he doesn’t feel anything; he just doesn’t want/like to show his emotions (except maybe to his brothers). And as the eldest, it seems he doesn’t hesitate to speak his mind to Joseph. That said, while he isn’t sure if the Father can really hear God’s voice, he still has faith in him and is ready to give his life for him and the Project. In my opinion, Jacob possibly even believed that he had to die for Joseph, as his weapon and his sacrifice. He trained the Deputy so they would kill his former ally and main rival Eli for him, but I think it’s likely that he expected them to be strong enough to kill him as well, so the prophecy (and his destiny) would be fulfilled. As much as he told the Deputy they were neither strong nor special, in the end, he probably thought they were...

We don’t know if the traumatic memories of the war that would “surge up at any moment”, according to The Book of Joseph, still torment Jacob in the game because his PTSD is never really shown or mentioned, but we can assume it’s still there to some degree. It’s unknown where exactly his scars come from or what caused them, but he was most likely injured in combat. In my opinion, he also sometimes sounds like he has respiratory problems, but that’s never discussed, either.

To summarize this summary, Jacob is ruthlessly committed to his goals and convictions. He says nature doesn’t have empathy, so he shouldn’t, either. He went through hell several times and believes he only emerged stronger, so he thinks others can and must be hardened the same way to become the best, most primal version of themselves. He doesn’t fear death and possibly even expects it to come for him early, but it doesn’t matter because he would have fulfilled his destiny, and he has a legacy anyway: his army. Because of how strong and well-trained his soldiers are, he’s confident the Family will be safe, even after his death. Despite his incredibly twisted vision of the world and violent methods, deep down under all the hatred and trauma, it seems there’s still a little bit of that big brother who would try his best to protect his siblings and brighten their lives, somewhere, somehow…

[wirewitchviolet]

A Teachable Moment

So I hopped into some freshly minted Discord server, maybe a month ago, and the norms of it still haven't settled into place. It's open to the public and focused on a game, so there's a bit of a mixed crowd, let's say, and prior to the incident I'm setting up the backstory for, there hasn't really been a test of their ability to moderate their damn public spaces.

Also when I say there's a mixed crowd I mean there's both a good number of trans women (because if you are making a deep game for a niche audience, we're gonna make up a shockingly high percentage of that audience every time), and a few right-wing extremists doing their best to "hide their power levels" (because if you create and promote literally any sort of social space, they WILL show up to test for whether local conditions are suitable enough to build a nest). In the early days of things they mostly kept their masks on aside from using the nazi frog as a reaction image to things (which IS something everyone should have a zero tolerance policy towards, but I feel like I need to know someone fairly well before I can explain that one), and their eyes lighting up when they see the server rules include "no politics" (a perfectly fine policy to have but you need to understand that if you post it you WILL have to constantly ban nazis who think you're using "politics" like they do- a euphemism for all the people they want dead).

Anyway, there's a few people on my radar here, but everyone's been civil enough, and it's a pretty relaxed vibe. Pretty quiet. Mostly just icebreaker talk. The most prolific poster is this one guy who saw there was a pet photo channel and just kinda sat down and made a point of posting several images a day to it, of a particularly uncommon sort of cute pet. Naturally this lead some people to ask some follow-up questions about whether these are his and how long he's had them, and this yielded the pretty damn weird in retrospect response that no, he has no pets at all, but would like one of these some day.

Now, this isn't at all the main thrust of this, and I wouldn't like, start keeping vigil for this as a sign of troublemakers, but a thing that undercover bigots do all the time as can be seen here is set up in a community and just kinda spam harmless generic platitudes and such to try and establish themselves as a known chill person. This goes double for anywhere that has a general public/trusted community members split. Never just go by "well he seems pretty chill" for giving people access to more private spaces, they can wait as long as they need, generally, as long as they don't have to improvise a normal person response to a situation where bigotry is in play.

Anyway, getting to the main event, a few days ago in this server, someone posted some cute little comic which... you know let me just find it.

Clever little subversion there. Got a polite chuckle out of the bulk of those paying attention, but seeing a nice wholesome bit of trans positivity incensed pet-poster guy, who immediately shouts "I've seen another version of that comic!" and posts a variation I am absolutely not going to share where the girl in the last panel is dead.

That is as clear cut of a do not pass go, do not collect $200, ban that piece of garbage permanently without a word and delete the post as soon as you can before anyone has to see that sort of hate directed at them offense in absolutely any community. Even moreso in this case as in the time it took a moderator to notice, this creep was going full mask off and responding to everyone's horrified reactions with grotesque anti-trans propaganda of a particularly hardcore "my other hangouts have openly posted swastikas" variety.

Here, people did delete the profoundly offensive comic, but then, to be blunt, otherwise handled this like a kindergarten teacher seeing a kid grab the blocks another kid was playing with and just nonchalantly explaining some basic manners. First off, nobody goes that hard on hate speech accidentally, and more importantly, showing a lack of willingness to dole out any real consequences for such an open act of hate has an emboldening effect. Sure enough the other sleeper agents present jumped up to try and push things farther, encouraging them to also remove the comic above, ban any mention of trans people, and jump the gun with prepared responses that don't work in context (you call everyone you don't like a nazi! Both sides are wrong! etc.).

I came pretty close to just quitting the server on response to that, but stuck it out a bit to double check if this wasn't just one particularly green mod trying to put the fire out before double checking if that's ban worthy when someone else was awake, or if I needed to explain the code-talk in the following conversation, or hell, if they just need more mods. I'm decidedly overqualified for that sort of thing.

Anyway, moderation policy handled that poorly... and to be clear, I'm not pinning that on any one person, basically everyone who ends up in a position of authority has a gut instinct to moderate as laxly as possible and needs some real training, reading, or tragic experience to learn how vital a firm swift hand is if you don't want people like this to show up and drive everyone else away. Especially not going to put this on the one green volunteer awake at 4 AM or whatever.

Still, the ball was dropped here, and I was pleasantly surprised to see how the rest of the community stepped up to hold their ground. Over the next couple of days, people just started casually dropping every cute trans positive thing they had handy in there, agreeing with each other that it was all nice and sweet. This both reestablished that chat as a relatively safe place to exist with a kind general vibe, and really got under the skin of these mask off nazis who started throwing tantrums. Apparently they just started privately messaging the mods to flag every single wholesome little image or comic as offensive to the point where people higher up the food chain came in, did some more serious reprimanding, and added an explicit policy against transphobia to their TOS... and threatened to ban these people if they pull this crap again.

Now, that increased firmness plus the community in general making it pretty damn clear they don't tolerate hate does seem to have scared the bigots into hiding (the one guy made this pathetic desperate effort to retake power by threatening to stop posting the animal pictures... that he's just pulling out of an image search, it was pretty funny), but... they're still there. The people they were threatening both broadly and as specific individuals still have to be careful not to share anything these scumbags can screencap and weaponize against them, and I'm sure at some time in the future when it's clear there's no mods awake they're going to pipe back up to do as much damage as they can in a blaze of glory if spying on all the queer people doesn't pay out for them, so while it is nice to see how just actively rejecting this sort of ideology can at least temporarily shut this crap down even without people in authority taking real action, I want to reiterate what responsibilities those in authority are neglecting here.

As a moderator of literally any sort of space, your basic duties are to keep things safe and to keep things civil. Those are two separate duties. Don't ever try and merge them together, and don't ever forget that safety must always take priority over civility.

If you see a situation where people are just getting randomly heated and angry over something inconsequential (happens a lot), yes, by all means, try to just deescalate things by stepping through just taking a stern tone, formal warnings, timeouts, 3 strike rules, temporary bans, etc. These are situations where we can hope that people who otherwise get along just let their emotions get out of hand and will hopefully shake hands and make up after having some time to cool off.

If on the other hand you see a situation where someone is threatening/antagonizing/intimidating someone else, especially in a case like this where the reason is transparently that the offender is a bigot who genuinely wishes harm or death on the target, there are no steps to escalate through. You remove the dangerous person from the community immediately, no exceptions, no warnings, no escalating response scale. That nazi posting crap about trans women in nooses, Jews in ovens, black people holding spears, women being raped etc. is not a friend having a rough day. There can be no reconcilliation no matter how much time you give. You just have a predator here to whittle your community down, and a vulnerable person who needs you to reassure them that they are safe in your community. The only option that should be on the table is the permanent zero appeals ban, and you should have no hesitation in deploying it.

Oh and here's the part where I remember that I am going to lose my home by the end of the year if I don't ask people to throw more money at me (this is a link). I hate doing this, but my other options for income went up in flames so completely I don't even know how to start to rebuild.

[smoothie03]

I think I saw your tiktok (at least I think it was you? correct me if I'm wrong) where you had Hetalia pictures in your bachelor? and I must say, you are braver than any us soldier🫡because I could never out myself (especially to teachers) as a hetalian like that😔

Ah yes, I think you saw my tiktok if you mean this video:

It wasn't for my bachelor (I'm still in the middle of getting that degree) but this was for my finals in school or "matura" as it's called in Austria.

However, I never had to hand that in since it was a summary I created as a learning device for the exam. I just wanted to have some fun while learning. I'm still doing that in uni btw when I have to make private summaries for myself. (or I delete the pics of Hetalia characters and rewrite the shipname I used as a shortcut to remember multiple countries when I share my summaries with my fellow students)

But yeah, I actually never showed that folder in the video to my teacher but I think I took it to school that day to revise the stuff that I wrote down. However, I did take my Hetalia pencil case with me that day and I also take that to uni frequently and write my tests with the random Austria ball pen a friend gave me. My laptop also has a little Romano, TeuTemp and Spamano on it as a sticker.

I am cringe but I am free and I'm taking these things with me with pride (shame).

Also, some closer pics of the summary below for those who want to see it properly (It's in Austrian German though) :

[hislittleraincloud]

Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Whoremoanal / Intro to Wenovan for the New Dolls

Ach. I just got word that the addict neighbor "isn't coming home" tomorrow. Her messages are terribly short, lacking in information, and few/far between. I mean my gods, is Afterburn 8 going to have to wait until fucking May/its year anniversary? What the fuck? I might have to force myself to try and write it, but that's the Cigarette at the Bus Stop for me. I fire up my writer's flame and take a puff and then that fucking hot mess of a bus lady tells me "I'm coming home" and then doesn't.

I'm working quite hard on the Miller's Girl fic because again, it doesn't require much thought for me. I know I have new followers thanks to that little fandom...and the teacher crush wing that flew at me and my fyp (I suppose that was to be expected once more Jenna stans saw MG). 🤦🏽‍♂️ My closest fanwives have access to its Live file and one already wants to divorce me for the soul-shattering Epilogue, so I might have to rethink including that...

Anyway. This, I suppose, is a short intro to #Wenovan (a.k.a. Black Bubblegum) ship, which was the untouched ship that pairs Wednesday Addams and Sheriff Donovan Galpin. Untouched until my pervy agegap loving ass came along with my observations of canon Wednesday and Sheriff Galpin's interactions from episode to episode. Of course, in 2023, I'm on the Dark Side of this fandom, but that's fine, since I live in a cave and am used to it. I write a lot from Wednesday's POV. The other agegap ship I write about is Gatesmonster (Laurel/Tyler 💀), but their relationship is the opposite of Wednesday's and the Sheriff's.

So I know y'all got that teacher crush thing going, and teacher crush is authority crush. Cop crush falls under that; it's a sibling to teacher crush.

Afterburn Wednesday (ABW) does have a little bit of a thing for authority, for older male authority figures. But she's also l essentially everything Cairo Sweet from MG wishes she were. She took charge of the intrigue she felt at first glance (canon Wednesday actually looks at the sheriff's body as he comes into the Weathervane, then there was the little grin she flashed him (!!!), followed by her ruminating on his words to her, etc. etc. I can make a good case for their canon) and isn't completely stupid about it. I tried to make ABW otherwise as close to canon as possible, since the story is meant to slip seamlessly into the show's very weird timeline. Still working on MG fic, but 8 is on my mind in a terrible way, especially after I listened to the following again. (As well as knowing what else I've been writing about them that's for the sequel and deleted scenes.)

I really like programming scenes from my story into audio shorts, since I have the cast members that I need for them (@brenli I haven't forgotten about the Wednesday & Bianca Mortal Kombat scene! I'm just really busy. I have all of the dialogue for it recorded though. Just needs to be put together).

I've shared it before, but sharing it again for those who are new, might be bored out of their skulls, and are waiting for MG. It is Wednesday cornering the Sheriff in his office on Outreach Day (which was a couple of days after she had a sexy vision of them). And her first kiss. 💕🎀🌸🎀✨

It's best listened to on headphones since I'm an idiot and was new to programming these, so the balance of the narrator's voice is way off. 💀 And that stupid phone ringing is annoying af LOL

I miss them so much. ❤️‍🩹✨🫴🏼🚔🕸️💕✨

[gayerthanevertbh]

Hi, u can call me l. I'm a Jap Filo who is currently living in Japan. A Carol stan and im new here.

I dont know how thise eorks but i usually read in ao3 and i saw people under comments that they interact eith the suthors more in tumblr so i msde one. And I happedn to came across your fic called: lights, camera, action only because i saw your icon which is natsha in bun and if I may ask are you planning to continue it?

I actually did experience the same thing as yours and I am really sorry you had to go through that. But mine was a lot different because it happened mostly online, I don't know how to put it but yeah. I was sent photos, videos, we made calls, she made me do things and have it sent to her online, I experienced it with my teacher in 7th grade; my Mom found out when we were about to migrate in Japan. We went to court once before I flew here and I actually forgot everything about it. But when I was in 10th grade evrything crashed back to me, I strted getting scared going to school also bullies here in Japan are worst. so I decided to work, I stopped studying.

Last year christmsd we flew back to the ph and the first news I got when I stepped in our van was I have to be attend a hearing because their side knew we were going back in home. I nver thought that the case was still on going after how many years. She even messaged me to show up in hearing, that she's sorry, she's building a family now and is 2 months pregnant and that at some point we have to put an end to it she said

But you know what? Nothing happened, I lost. My Mom couldn't pay the lawyer anymore and I had to go back here in Japan before the hearing could actually happen. I was so devastated, I only wanted her license to be revoked so she couldn't teach anymore. And ivee heard a lot of casesone from my friend back there in ph that if the teacher was caught or like reported harassing a student their license wouldn't be taken from them instead the school would just kick them out (it can be taken if the school are doing their job but gues what? Its Philippines. The system is fucked up, the justice is nowhere to be found if you lay under the lowest hierarchy). And funny thing my friend said, after they were kicked out they would always settle in the provinces there in PH, which I found very accurate because I found out that she moved in a suburban province in ph, i yhink its pampanga.

I could still remember how I lied being sick one sunday afternoon, my family are going to church that time so they left me to rest but I sneaked out and went to her place.

And also, the pandemic made much more worst. I started questioning everything, everything I receive and everything I feel. I remember saying, 'I love you' to her and the fact that when I went to the first hearing to find that I couldn't hate her. My cousins were explaining to me that it was wrong, she did something bad to me, but to me it was right it felt right. I never understood how court hearing lawyers works before but when I saw her I knew she has been crying, I could still remember her eyes fuck her look tht time it was the worst state of hers that I had ever seen and I knew from then that I want it to stop so I pleaded for my Mom not to go through the case and flying to Japan made me think that everything was finally over she wouldn't suffer anymore and so do I.

I even tried messaging one last time using the new account my Mom made me which she also had accessed that time, I risked it all but I never found her account it was already deleted i think

I never went to therapy, my Mom never sent me to one and I actually don't know if it'll help. But my friends in ph asked me to go to one and i also been working so i am considering it for a while and ive been also foing sh lately iwant yo go back yo school but my family back in ph eont let me.

I don't know why am I sharing this to you im actually crying while writing this. Because you know what? Until now, I still couldn't figure it out. Half of me still thinks that that was love and it's msking me sick that i was glad we werent able to bring everything back again in the court i fuvking hate it.

I don't know maybe i just wanted to find out your story, how your story went how you overcame everything. The freedom i would never feel.

I font know how this works i wish i could really talk to you.

I'm reall sorry

hi, i read through your message over and over again and im truly sorry. you have no idea how devastated i am for you, and i wish i could even hug you. please feel free to message me, talk to me if you want. im all ears for you. 🤍

[josiebelladonna]

damn.

how’s everyone doing?

okay. these few days have been… interesting to say in the least.

first off, the house: the backstory, in case you don’t know, is that the property taxes here had defaulted about five years ago. to make a long convoluted complicated 95% of it i can’t talk about due to legality story short, they defaulted… and turns out, it wasn’t even our fault. someone dropped the ball somewhere, it totally wasn’t even our doing or our responsibility for that matter. but my mom and i looked at each other, we looked at what was due, and my mom bit the bullet and pretty much used all of her savings to cover it—by the skin of our teeth, too, like the company got the check today. she’s only got about 200 dollars left in her savings account after that, but luckily for us, it’s only a once-a-year thing (meaning we don’t have to think about this again for a full year), and we’ve been through difficult times before (read: we know how to pinch pennies in our sleep) and it’s only for about a month, which is when her job starts with a new assignment.

second, my mental health. it tanked the other day, and there were a couple of things that triggered it: number one was the fact that i kept getting asked about money over on instagram. people asking me about commissions and “dealing” and what have you—i think most of them were ai generated, but who the fuck knows. it’s a deep wound that only those who grew up poor will understand—compounded with the fact that i have a very dysfunctional, very unsupportive, borderline abusive family; on its own, it’s enough to push my buttons. plus—say what you want. every artist goes through this. i’m following a bunch of artists on instagram, good artists, too, some of these people are excellent… but i couldn’t help but compare myself to them. it’s also kind of… clique-y, i’d say? kind of like how tumblr is now, but it’s actually worse because you have art involved, something that should unite all of us. tumblr… as obnoxious as this place is now, i do see where it’s coming from. but within the art community? that just doesn’t seem right to me. when you take an art class, you’re going in there to rest your soul. tap into yourself and learn some techniques while you’re at it. nobody is picasso out the gate, so you hone your own skill and your own style all the while, so it’s like a leveling of the playing field (and no, showing the biggest piece of shit to the teacher doesn’t count). but this is uncomfortable. and it’s exhausting, too, like how the hell can you people be posting to your story several times every hour? i post three to mine in one sitting and i feel like i’m overloading everyone. and, i was getting comments from people who were following me years ago asking me, “you’re still drawing?” like they were shocked that i’m still doing this. i saw that as a bad sign, like… you know when you, a fan of something or someone, doesn’t seem to realize that the thing you’re fan of is still going, that’s usually a sign of things gone wrong. and i had accidentally rehashed some old wounds that are kinda “same ol’” status at this point: my sexuality, my appearance, my body, my not feeling good enough. so… i woke up one morning, looked at my art, and just started crying. all of that pushed me over the edge and it genuinely made me want to quit. i thought for sure i was finished. i had to get away. i have to be alone for a while.

(so, if i seem a.w.o.l. over on instagram, you know what happened: i just deleted the app from my tablet, i didn’t delete my account)

third, i looked at my art and i wondered if i just needed a makeover for it. i have a new little project going right now made by some of the techniques i’ve seen on instagram. i won’t reveal it until it’s done, though. it’s kind of abstract, kind of odd, kind of… well, you’ll see it. as for the “deleted all my art files from my computer” tidbit, it didn’t delete the backup files, so i clicked on those and salvaged every single one, every single one. i’ll admit, it was weirdly freeing to have all that free space on my thumb drive.  and as for neptune’s spear… i was thinking of posting it today or tuesday, but… eh. i think she can wait a while.

[typewriter83]

Knock knock, Merida cub is heeeere

Okay first I have to say that I'm still a big confused about joel and ellie's jobs but happily it doesn't prevents me from understanding the story and won't ever be❤️I just had to say this first in case I say something incorrect later. Anways.

Okay, It's been only 1 night and Joel is already head over heels with our fav girl, all looking himself in the mirror and being like "😉😌🙂‍↔️", and calling her baby (that made me go all soft, bye). And the scene that came after... Jeez, u weren't lying when you said this story got all the spicy. Can't wait for more cof cof

Okay, I wasn't really expecting tess as a principal, but I did guessed right when I thought joel was going to be a teacher when you spoilled that here months ago. Before I knew ellie's age, by that time, I really thought she was going to be a student and I was like "damn mama has no fear breaking taboos and shocking everyone". Now explaing to me here, since I'm dumb regarding these things: joel is a teacher, ellie... She's going to be a teacher too? Joel is going to work with her or is he gonna teach her his job? I hope my clueless ass don't make you feel insecure about your ability to explain all this in your story, I can assure you that the problem is me lol

So, sarah. Sweet sarah was a really responsible kid and like every moment before tragic things happen to her in stories, we love to say hi to her before saying goodbye. The moment where she left the car and joel said that was the last time he saw her... That made me think. How did she die? (That's a rhetoric question, you don't need to answer). I bet that maybe she was... Mudered? I don't know, maybe some killer was in the store when she got there and decided she could be the next victim. I don't know, I've been trying to think about possibilities. I think she was killed. Or maybe an accident but I doubt a bit.

So, there was a moment in the fic that made me go "wait a minute man". It was a flashback that tess offered joel to teach to some kids and she said that those kids live with just one parent or no parents at all, and that made me be like... Was ellie there? I mean, this girl is orphan in every universe the same way sarah is dead in 95% of them, so my brain immediately put 2 and 2 together. This flashback was ten years before the present days, so considering ellie would be 14-15 at that time, It wouldn't be so impossible.

So, joel got really mad with the whole ellie situation, and I really wanna saw how this is gonna play out. I think that maybe ellie will be so confused when she sees joel treat her differently (maybe even in a rude way..? He seemed mad, i mean) but I bet it wouldn't tale too long for her to respond to him in the same tone as well as the snarky little thing she is. Imagine if they start bickering each other like on the first game😂

Only thing that got me real sad on this chapter (sarah got me sad too but I was kind of expecting) was when joel deleted her contact from his phone :((( she gave it to him so sweetly and he did that. Anyways, that got me even more intrigued to read this story. Can't wait!! And congrats on the new journey!!

Hello sweet Merida, it’s been a minute since I received this and I appreciate not only your patience for a reply but your always complex and in-depth analysis. Let’s jump right in

Joellie and “am i the one” discussion below cut

First off, it’s not all supposed to make sense, I’m not gonna give away the farm in chapter 2, but I’ll summarize in case it was a little convoluted. Joel had Sarah right out of high school, had to give up his dreams of college and went to work on a construction crew. He pushed Tommy through high school and into college, hoping he would get a business degree so they could start their own company - which they did. Joel took college classes at night when Sarah was little and eventually received his degree and teaching certificate - hoping that if their business fell through he would have some place to go. Joel eventually started teaching Industrial Arts at the high school while continuing to building the contesting company with Tommy. After Sarah died (and no, I haven’t revealed how yet - give it time, Joel is traumatized), Joel left teaching and drove his body into the ground working with Tommy. Now, it’s 15 years later, Tess is the principal and convinced him to come back to work for her and - lo and behold - there’s a new science teacher and Joel thinks is out to sabotage his career - he’s not that conceited, he just thinks he hurts everyone who gets close to him - and he just so happens to be crazy about this girl, so he’s gonna push her away.

And that’s where we are at the end of chapter 2. In chapter 3 we’re gonna get to meet former NASA astronaut Ellie Williams, how she became NASA’s youngest astronaut in space, and why she’s switched career tracks at only 25. Joel and Ellie are in no way connected until the night they met at the bar, so imagine Ellie’s surprise when they eventually come face to face again. And yes, excepting lots of bickering, flirting and general chaos - and then the plot twist - at least I hope it’s a plot twist.

These two are stupid crazy for each other - and having him delete the contact info broke my heart, too. But he’s emotionally constipated and kind of an ass. Don’t worry, there’s a few people in his corner that will be rooting for Ellie.

Thanks, as always, for following along

🫶🏻

[mylawcitrus]

Cute animals, architecture, drawing and sitcoms

It seems like the makers of Tumblr want it to be what it was meant to be: a social network for teenagers.

Most of the people I know on here are in their 20s. Some are older.

But they've made some decisions in the past and it's just a matter of time before I delete this account.

The path is this: I was here since 2014, then I revealed in my poetry that I had been carrying some trauma. The content stayed up, and I don't remember when I decided to put it down. It used to be an attempt to be in sync with the girl I was into, who lived in the US and hadd contact with all this "stuff". Then the stuff got complicated... we weren't like, messaging back and forth, but we were very connected when we spoke. It's just a shame.

There was Twitter. It helped me go through family crises, but few people actually know it didn't help with shit. It just exposed a version of a guy who could barely communicate and in case in occasional onlooker saw a tweet, they'd be like "what's this, we're writing in caps today?"

Many years later, some projects, some events, people met, places I went to, Twitter was more or less of a battleground for politics to be destilled into hatred nobody knew whether or not was just projected or not, fantasized, augmented, or whatever. And there were a lot of people laughing about the whole thing.

But I'm not gonna say who was laughing. I don't know. I was strying to wrap my head around new facts in my life. For years.

And so bassically I was suspended this one time when Jack Dorsey said something I found distressing at the moment, for my moment, and I told the man to fuck off. Boom, suspended. It was in the midst of the Musk transition.

But honestly, I don't even wanna talk about Musk.

I didn't find a place. I had a bad habit, of going on a website called Faceflow. I met some interesting people there, and I kept visiting because it was pretty random how some people who seemed to be very "outside the box" popped up on there, but I'll have to admit I had a hormonal issue and things didn't go well. For anybody.

But a lot later, I found Mastodon. And people were discussing top level internet stuff, and also politics, while posting genuinely interesting videos and informational content. I was like "how many years have you been sober?" -- and I just wasn't.

The way I quit Mastodon was ridiculous.

Someone said: "so Instagram is like Tumblr now?" and that triggered the fuck out of me. I never understood Tumblr, and I had just been a victim of identity theft because of a complicated, but kind of suspicious interaction with someone I met on Faceflow and this dude, who was telling people to invest in crypto, that it really worked, and that he'd deposit money for you if yu just did these simple tasks. And I needed the money. So in the blink of an eye I lost my account, and Facebook was like, shitty as fuck with me, because they pretty much were still the definitiveinternet platform, before TikTok (and I know that shit is complicated, but I'm just like, thinking).

And I had to rebuild as a person, as a musician, as a teacher... like, a dude who was on Faceflow was a religious extremist who I started to be very displeased with, to put it lightly, and I associated the entire discourse that person presented with my social presence, and I came to a point of trying to reset everything and deleted my fucking LinkedIn. AND my Twitter, the 10 year old account. I had verified people in music following me, people from tech journalism, some geeks, I had an interesting presence! And it was like, haters? I won big sometimes, sometimes I kinda lost track of the strategy, but the thing was going on, I knew I was in the public eye and I tried to act normal -- instead of going "corporate" or "offering a product". And to your surprise, maybe, that's what people criticized, that I was a flooder, a shitposter, that I didn't take things seriously.

Dude... I had my life.

From Mastodon I came here. I realigned myself with poetry, but at some point, especially after the OF promotions and the Tumblr Live 420 stuff (which I'm gonna hint the boss might have a problem with, as far as I can tell), Tumblr became a place where nothing was very clear, and in the end, some very low profile people who never shared their thoughts or anythng were doing their thing and i thought I was just being annoying, like the place wasn't for me, the conversation was different!

So then I tried to bring it closer to me. Talk about personal stuff, so people got to know me, not the random stories people tell on the web. And it totally backfired?

But like, if it's because of porn, of course the problem is not porn per se, it's age gap. I'm not addressing this issue, each case is a case. My thoughts are already too scattered, the narratives are too, and discussions are likely to come up. And I'm not gonna be surprised if everyone thinks I'm the asshole, always have been, end of the story. But the level, the extent to which they went because of my social media presence, is totally out of line.

And now what I have is posts that nobody reads, conversations nobody replies to, and expectations that next time I go buy something (with the little money we managed to get from assistence!) downstairs, people are like "oh, here's the dude who doesn't have money to buyy new shorts but thinks it's ok to go out like that". THAT'S ME! I'm the least highlighted person you can ever think of... nobody has a freaking fucking clue of my online struggless of decades... they care about soccer, shit like that! They care, that is true, about their jobs and their families. And good for them, God bless! But I wanna be able to make that shift one day in my life, if not thinking about kids, thinking about my family and how I can help out, which seems like, honestly, something everyone in the family thinks I'll never be able to do cause I'm both a piece of shit and incompetent. But during Christmas season, you gotta hear shit like "you're stubborn and intolerant". And shut the fuck up.

So, Tumblr, sorry... I've tried to have a conversation about what I thought younger people were thinking about, but I'm obviously not welcome and if you wanna enjoy your space out here, have fun, you know? The memes are great, the aesthetics, the funny dialogues, the artists! The references, which are always building... but like, maybe I should go back to my real proposal which is to think of policy and to STUDY the decisions and materials that have been drafted for the future of the internet, and maybe at one point I'll be like "hm, I can answer that" and go for it, take a chance, and who knows, maybe get a freaking follow. One. By. One.

It didn't happen, on here. I'm still relying on the poetry people (3) and someone I talked more or less extensively about music (1) who's got a totally chill vibe and who doesn't want stress right now. But like, with all that I post, 4 people? Come on, what's going on?

So these are things people don't talk about. Go see if a parent getss on Faceflow. Go see if they even ask how many Snapchat contacts they have. Go see if they ever thought about going on Omegle with the kid -- rare! Go see if they think about what curriculum they want for their kids -- and then it starts to get a little tricky -- and what jobs!

We grow up... the internet is a thing that's up for consultation, for sure, but I could delete this and it would all become a "he said, they said" situation all over again. And I have mental health issues, but what I always fail to disclose is that I have issues with the mental health facility, which is a whole different level. And apparently, this debate is banned.

So yeah, I just don't know any better in terms of mental health. Which compromises all of my work. And all of my social media. But people wanna spend time talking about what billionaires are doing, the stock market, the fucking energy transition... dude, chill. You're not a climate scientist. That stuff is advanced as fuck, it's not your job. You wanna do something, share an article about fucking plant based meat and it's already gonna be stressful for you because the barbecue lovers are gonna think you're fucking gay or whatever, that's the level... but like, focus on your shit. Because I sure as fuck don't focus on freaking Faceflow drama. And about Omegle, I reported many things that were problematic, andd the shocks I've had were, if you knew, considerably greater than yours.

That being said, visit my Linktree, and if you want a more entertaining thing to do, there's my song catalogue.

Thanks, but like, this could have been a sticker.

[darlingpwease]

Lessons with Teacher darlingpwease on swan lake was not something I expected. /pos

You learn something new everyday!! ✨️🌟The more you know🌟✨️

But in all seriousness, if that stuff is happening near you and/or people u know, please be safe!! Literally just heard about that stuff this morning, logged on to tumblr and scrolled a bit then saw ur post lol

To be fair you might not even live in Russia but still, just in case fhdjsksm stay safe always but yeah still

-panna cotta

dear cotta, /affectionate /t /maybe light bullying but with love<333

but hey — everyone should know about swan lake<3 a year ago, one of the most popular opposition media channels was banned in country, and they played swan lake in the last broadcast — and it was brilliant hwhwhw<///3 and when I saw her comment yesterday that "we have to wait for swan lake before we understand if this is a real attempt at a military coup or just a staging," I realized that I had to bring it here to you sjhshdhdhdh /hj

I mean, who's going to tell you this if not me, huh? this is elite information, you won't find it anywhere else on the web or in textbooks except for some very strange websites and textbooks. just like that thing about "stealing without taking cars, but in offices" or "cockroach with a mustache" — who if not I will tell you this?<333

I mean, at least I'm not in rostov, where they are now, because if I were there, it would be completely fucked up. I didn't sleep until about five o'clock in the morning, and even for "me not sleeping for a long time", this is unusual, but I was just too nervous and tried to figure out whether it was true or not. it's even more ironic that I was teaching assignments for today's final with my friend at night and complained that this time I wouldn't teach anything because I didn't have adrenaline due to lack of anxiety, and an hour later they started actively talking about this event, so in a sense the universe heard me SHGDHDHDH

unfortunately, I'm here, and this regret has been going on for exactly as long as I am aware of myself sjshdhdhhddhd a country is not a government, of course, but when you live in an atmosphere of the need to be silent and "say one thing in the kitchen and another in the street," it definitely puts pressure on the psyche</3 jokes about "foreign agents" and deleting comments or joking attempts "to hide the meaning" at some point lose the word "joking" you know /hj /neu

also, hi hi, welcome back, babyboo~ <33333

[whateveryousay04]

I just found this on Pinterest and wanted to Reblog directly but I didn’t find the user anymore. If the account and original post are still there, please send it to me so I will respectfully reblog and delete this post.

So true. As someone who is feminine with a style leaning on glamour (sometimes vintage, sometimes modern), sophisticated and elegance; I was insecure of making my peers insecure or curious about my social class and my choice of clothing.

I won’t spend almost 2 hours to write a long rant like I sometimes do, all I will say is that aside from the formerly integrated expectations to dress and act a certain way, if nowadays the newly integrated expectations are more casual and liberal, if you sustain will your entire heart that you are fine and feel much confident and comfortable with your selected personal style and don’t feel intimidated by mine in a non judge mental social environment with the majority of people like you; then why are you slightly insecure of me? I dress like that because it makes me feel myself at the fullest even though I am self aware of being always the ugliest, stupidest, dumbest, less educated/less smart, stinkiest, most asocial, most unwanted etc person in the room (I am serious, please don’t comfort me in the comments, you don’t know me and I am actually always among the worst people in the room, I have a couple of good traits I guess but overall I am a loser and others visibly and audibly believe the same-No questioning), actually, since I have stopped shopping and curating my wardrobe 5 years ago (Social anxiety and fear of wasting money) and 80% of the good pieces didn’t fit or broke and were thrown away, I feel even less confident in my own skin and clothing ever. It made me realize that I actually have courage at least in past when I used to believe I was at my lowest point.

I am constantly intimidated by everything and everyone because everyone is somehow either better than me or a teenage peer who might make fun of me or both. But I only felt intimidated by other’s style because I wanted to have it and it started when I had less good clothing pieces during the last few years.

I think that if you feel that intimidated, maybe you should attempt explore your fashion sense and who knows, maybe dare to go a little out of your comfort zone and you might discover that you actually secretly like a certain thing but we’re too insecure for it.

Personally I never wear skirts, I sometimes wear dresses when back in Africa and at ceremonies but other than that the last time I went out in a skirt/dress I was 9 years old on my first day of school. At the time I felt well, it’s later that around 14~ when I started to think that I shouldn’t wear them but I actually love skirts on other women but I am not confident at all to wear them. (10-14 years old me never wore skirts just because I guess it was never popular at school in my country, not ever high school. I rarely saw skirts over the years at middle and high school)

So if one day I will regain my confidence and curate my wardrobe, I do not feel superior to you! I am actually extremely insecure and I secretly believe that you are superior to me! It’s even worse when you are introverted and act like a “sweet good girl” because I was extremely surprised when some middle school classmates and a teacher lightheartedly joked that I am someone who thinks is better mannered and educated and well dressed. (I do believe that in many cases I am but I don’t fixate nor barely think about it. It’s not a ME vs YOU, I don’t compare. To me if you are impolite than you should behave better. End of the story.) because at the time I was already constantly feeling inferior to them in many ways. And they surely felt superior to me too! I think that they were also aware that that statement was only given on how I carry myself and dress because they definitely thought I was maybe the ugliest, weirdest and stupidest in class.

So please, don’t make me downplay my fashion because it sticks out compared to the group overall. It’s one thing to dress for occasion (which I do) and another to pressure others to change their style direction. Because if anything I could also use the excuse of dressing for the occasion to call out many people.

By the way, my fashion sense is actually quite versatile. I just physically can’t not add at least a certain small element that relates to femininity or girlyness but I actually like many outfits of other styles that sometimes my peers wear and I end up slightly intimidated because they indeed pull it off very well. My fashion sense is not tridimensional but my personal style is.

Seriously though, DO NOT RESENT OTHER LADIES FOR BEING CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO DRESS THEMSELVES THE WAY YOU SECRETLY WISH!

Or, DO NOT LET OTHER LADIES RESENT ON YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE A SOCIALLY ATTRACTIVE-ACCEPTED/APPROPRIATE STYLE!

[justmecee]

So I've never ever been suicidal, luckily. But I can be a bit morbid. And I guess that also is generally normal. But whenever I'm depressed, like really down, I have this tendency of self-destructing by way of ruining anything I've made. I do consider myself creative. And that's what I mostly end up targeting when I'm out of sorts. Like, I'll delete a story I wrote and really worked hard on, that I really love. Or ruin a painting I made. Even throwing away my degree that I've been working for for ten years. Things like that. Through the years, I've mostly overcome the urge. Usually, when I know I'm feeling down, I'd distance myself with anything I've creatively made. I would log out of my accounts (even deactivate my Twitter or Instagram if needed) and luckily, a few years back, I've started storing my drawings/paintings into boxes so it would really take a lot to access them before I can destroy them. Usually, when I'm down I don't have that much energy to do that. So I'm better with that, at least.

But it got me thinking. Like does this maybe reflect my self-perception? I'm not suicidal because I subconsciously don't think my own life is more important than what I can make?? I don't know. It is kinda a bit existential-crisis-triggering.

My love language has always been acts of service. Specifically, I like making things for people I love—crafts, paintings, stories, any tributes that require me to be creative. I've done this through the years for my family, friends, and even celebrities that inspire me. In fact, a few years back, when I was visiting my cousin's house. I saw this old Christmas card framed. It was handmade—a bondpaper folded in half. It was decorated with red glitters and a snowman made of cotton. And it was from me. I have no memory of it whatsoever but when I checked the inside, my messy kid-handwriting was there. My cousin said I gave it to him when I was around 4-5 years old. So I've literally been doing it ever since.

And in high school through college, I have these morbid thoughts of if ever I died, people will still remember me because I've done all these things for them. I've painted my friends and teachers, I've written stories starring my friends for gifts. My whole extended family probably has at least one work of mine. And my co-fans in different fandoms would remember my fanfictions, edits and fanarts. Even my Christmas gifts for my family this year have my drawings painted on them.

So I don't know. It's not like I'm wishing to die. But it isn't like I'm that excited about living either. At least not at the moment. I'm just existing, surviving.

I do wish I could be excited about life again. And if this is really the case, I hope I can change it—change the way I see myself. I know I really should learn to love myself more. It's just really hard sometimes.

[buckysimp101]

Love at First Grade (18+) - 18

Single Dad!Bucky x Single Mom!Reader; Teacher!Bucky x CEO!Reader

chapter warnings: smut …it’s back…eheheh. Bucky Barnes’ Metal Arm (it’s a warning okay!), a lil thigh riding & a daddy kink  (and fluff of course), a teensy bit o’ angst? But it all gets resolved promise

a/n: we only have 2 chapters and an epilogue left in the main story friends! i do have a deleted scene that will be posted when the main story is done, and if you’re interested in sending any drabble requests to my Asks feel free! 

Series Masterlist

Two months. It had been two fucking months since Bucky had touched you for anything more intimate than just a quick brush of your hair or a quick squeeze of your waist. Since that night out at Obsidian he had started seeing a therapist. When he told you the next day that he was going to start going to therapy you almost cried. In fact, if memory served you correctly, you did cry. Bucky seemed to be making good progress and he’d hold you a little longer but he was always cautious with his arm. If he held you he did it without the prosthetic. You knew it was because even after all the physical therapy he still didn’t trust the prosthetic, he didn’t trust himself. But that’s why he was seeing a therapist.

 He’d gone back to work, every bit of his body was hunched over on his first day back, as if he was trying to make himself as unassuming as possible. You had dropped him and the girls off that day and your heart had practically broken when you saw this hunk of a man walking towards the school with such little confidence. But then, you saw Avery slip her hand into his left one as Becca took his right and you froze. Bucky did too. You could tell he wasn’t expecting the light touch of the girls hands in his and you swore that he was trying his best not to flinch at Avery’s grip on his metal hand. But then his shoulders loosened. Some of the tension dropped away from his body and you could see the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips as the girls chattered about how excited they were to have daddy and papa back at school. 

That was a new thing to deal with, not that it was difficult to hear. Avery started calling Bucky papa not too long after she heard Becca refer to you as mama. That first night you and Bucky cried in each other’s arms. You were so happy. So. Immensely. Happy. And so was he…you thought. Not that Bucky had been acting too differently. He’d kiss you occasionally and occasionally it would lead to some impassioned, read: hot and steamy, make-out sessions but then he’d never take it farther. You’d even tried to give him a blowjob but he pulled you away at the last minute claiming he was tired before promptly rolling over and going to bed. It made you feel empty and unwanted. It made you start thinking. And when you started thinking you didn’t stop. 

 You thought about Bucky’s touches were light and they didn’t feel as impassioned as they had months ago. You started wondering if he was with you because he truly loved you or if at this point it was just a matter of convenience. Hell you even had a dream that involved the nasty Alyssa Williams with her arms wrapped around a shirtless Bucky, whispering things about how she could make him feel so much better and how you didn’t deserve him. You’d woken up that night drenched in sweat, chest heaving, to find Bucky sound asleep next to you. 

Whenever you would try to talk to Bucky and ask about his feelings and his thoughts he’d assure you he was fine and then he’d attempt to assuage you with a brief kiss that you always hoped would turn into something else. But that something else never came. And so you started spending later evenings at work. Truly, work was getting busy, but you were also practically begging Matt to let you read over the case he was putting together for Brock. After at least a dozen times of Matt telling you to go home, do your job, or leave him alone he finally gave in. Part of you genuinely felt bad. When you would have these late nights it meant Avery was spending more time either with your parents or with Bucky and Becca instead of you. And so you started planning smaller outings with just the two of you. Taking her for ice cream, going to a museum, going shopping, but Avery always wanted more. She’d beg for Becca to join, stating it wasn’t nearly as fun to go to museums without her best friend, or she’d beg for Bucky and Steve to meet you for ice cream. And who were you to tell her no? You had no good reason to deny her. You and Bucky were still going strong, though you weren’t certain you’d use that adjective to describe a relationship that had devolved to a couple make out sessions and occasional sleepovers, and so you always caved. 

Steve Rogers did his best to relieve some of the obvious tension whenever he was in the room. He’d crack jokes or he’d play with the girls but you knew that he could tell something was wrong. After Bucky began to see his therapist you wondered if he still told Steve everything but you weren’t about to ask. So either Steve was really good at reading a room, or he knew all about the ever-rising frustrations and tensions in your relationship. 

Wanda and Sam knew. Hell they knew everything. And they both urged you to talk to Bucky about your feelings. They swore that you’d feel better if you just told him how you felt and that you needed to feel physically wanted. But you refused. You knew it was stupid of you but you felt like bringing it up to Bucky would make it true, that it would cause your deepest fears to manifest themselves and then you’d lose the best thing that ever happened to you, besides Avery of course. Sam had told you that you were an idiot while Wanda just sat by and shook her head sadly. And then they had left you to think about what they’d said.

Tonight started out like any other late Friday night at the office. You’d texted Bucky that you’d have limited access to your phone while you did some work. You’d had Sam drop Avery off at your parent’s place after school. And you’d worked. And you’d worked. And you’d worked. Wanda came to say goodbye and beg you to go home but you ignored her and continued working. Maria had stopped by at the end of the day to remind you to eat and drink water but you’d just waved her off. You didn’t want to talk to any of them and so you just continued working. You switched it up a little. Moving between the case documents that Matt had sent you at lunch and the new project Tony wanted your help with. The last time you’d checked the clock it was 7. You were so enraptured by the documents before you that you almost missed the tap on your door and the subsequent creaking of the hinges, the telltale sign that someone had entered your office.

“What do you want Stan, I’m bus-“ you looked up at that moment to see it definitely wasn’t Stan in front of you. Instead, a hulking six foot two, brown haired blue eyed god with a fucking metal arm holding a bag of takeout stood in front of you with a sheepish grin.

“Sorry to disappoint, honey. I can get Stan if you want met to?”

You didn’t know what to say. You’d only really seen Bucky that week when you had dropped Avery off at school and the texts between the two of you were limited since he was prepping for the last couple weeks of class. It seemed in that moment all you could really say was,

“Bucky,” your voice was breathy and you just barely stopped your hand from reaching out to him, as if your body wanted, no needed, to touch him to make sure he was really there.

“In the flesh and vibranium, sweetheart,” he joked. He actually joked. It wasn’t a forced joke like he didn’t know what else to say. It was said with a smooth confidence as if he’d been practicing that one for a while. It was so unexpected you actually snorted in response. The sound that came out of you made Bucky’s sheepish grin turn into a full blown smile as he laughed. He set the food down on your desk and walked around so he was standing right next to you. He outstretched both arms before teasing you again, “you gonna sit there and gawk or you gonna give me a hug, darlin’?”

That Brooklyn drawl broke you out of your stupor and you practically flung yourself into Bucky’s arms. Both arms, metal and flesh, wrapped you up in a hug that set your body on fire. You never wanted to let go, but you had some questions for the beautiful man in front of you.

“What are you doing here? How’d you get in? Is everything oka-,” but you were cut off again with Bucky’s laugh as he moved his left hand to cup your face. The cold of the vibranium seemed to ground you and make you realize, he was really there.

“Everything’s fine, I just brought you dinner, baby. I know you’ve been working so hard recently and I feel like I haven’t really had the chance to see you or talk to you and Becca’s staying with my ma so here I am,” he shrugged nonchalantly before adding, “and Stan let me in. You know he loves me.”

His flippant attitude was a direct contradiction of the Bucky you’d been in contact with the last two months. You knew he was working hard with his therapist but him being here was showing you just how much progress he’d truly made. It made you start to regret practically icing him out. And watching Bucky stand in front of you and unpack the takeout made you realize just how bad the two of you needed to talk. As he reached into the bag to pull out a container of lo-mein you stopped his hand and just looked at him, waiting for Bucky to face you. At your interruption he turned to look at you, confusion glittering in his eyes, and so you took a deep breath and took your chance.

“Bucky, I’m so sorry. For everything. For practically ignoring you the last couple weeks for-for not being as appreciative of you as I should be. For not being there when you needed me. I’m a horrible partner and I promise I’m going to fi-,” you barely finished your apology before Bucky was interrupting you by taking your hands in his and lightly shushing you. 

“Honey, you have nothing to apologize for. If either of us needs to apologize it’s me. Ever since my accident I have iced you out or I have neglected you in ways that I never meant to. I was so scared of hurting you that I didn’t even realize that…well…that I was already hurting you by ignoring you. Y/N I love you more than I have ever loved another person, besides Becca of course. You are the light to all of my darkest days and you never fail to make me appreciate my life. I will never be able to thank you enough for coming into my life and making me realize that I would be lost in this universe if it wasn’t for you. You’re not a horrible partner, you never could be a horrible partner, even if you tried.” Bucky ended his monologue on a light note, his chest practically heaving with emotion as he spilled his heart in front of you. And so you pulled him in for another hug, squeezing your eyes shut as tears crossed the threshold to run down your face.

“I love you, Bucky Barnes. Forever and always,” you breathed before looking up at him and placing the lightest of kisses on his lips. You intended for the kiss to be light and soft, an airy reminder that you were here for him but Bucky had other plans. When you began to move away, he used both hands to pull you into him and he kissed you with a renewed passion. This kiss was a lot hotter than the first. There were teeth and tongues, and hands roaming wherever they could. Bucky’s left hand left your waist and slid down down down until he grabbed a handful of your ass making you moan into the kiss. He tongue that moment to slide his tongue into your mouth and slot his thigh in between your legs. He used his left hand again to squeeze and roll you into him. You gasped at the delicious feeling of his jeans rubbing you just right and Bucky noticed, his lip twitching, threatening to break into a grin, as he continued pushing you back and forth back and forth until you were close to cumming on your thighs. And right when you were on that precipice he stopped and pulled away from you completely. Your only response was a disbelieving noise at the rejection. You opened your mouth to complain but Bucky shushed you lightly as he scooped you up and turned around quickly, depositing you in your chair. Followed by a light kiss as his hands began to unbutton your pants and then he kneeled down to take off your shoes and to peel your pants off your legs. You lifted your hips to allow him easier access and you could see the tent in his own pants. Your body ached with the need to touch him but oh he wasn’t making it easy. When your pants came off Bucky was touching your thighs lightly, fingers dancing up to your hips to pull off your panties. The contrast in his two hands, one warm and one cool, could’ve made you cum then and there but then he was raising your leg and placing light kisses down your thighs.

Bucky fucking Barnes in between your thighs was an image you needed burned into your brain for the rest of eternity. He looked at your body like you were Aphrodite herself. Normally, you’d be a little more shy and reserved but you’d gone so long without getting this far that you decided to have a little fun yourself. So you started unbutton your top and pulling it off your arms, then you reached to unclasp your bra, silently patting yourself on the back for wearing the front-clasp one. Once you were completely bare in front of him, you looked at Bucky with one eyebrow raised. As if daring him to continue. He merely took that as a challenge and raised his own brow in response. And so you took matters into your own hands. You moved your hands up your stomach and over your breasts, your fingers pinching and rubbing at your nipples, which were becoming dangerously hard. Bucky’s eyes were dilated to the point where you could barely see the blue of his iris. They were practically black with need and next thing you knew he was settling between your thighs and eating you out like you were his last meal on earth. A low, throaty moan left your mouth as Bucky began spelling his name on your clit with his tongue, your thighs beginning to shiver, but he held you down to the chair. You moved your hands to thread through his hair when he ripped his head out of the way. 

You gasped at the sudden stop in pressure that felt just ohsogood and Bucky growled, “I didn’t fucking tell you to stop, keep playing with your nipples til you come, honey.” You stared, mouth agape, and then he got back to work, adding his metal fingers to the mix to stretch you out. The coolness of the metal had you gasping for breath at the new sensation. So you did as he said, you continued playing with your nipples until your vision went blurry and you were a gasping, moaning mess in his arms. Everything was a blur when you were suddenly scooped up, your legs wrapping instinctively around his waist as Bucky swiped the paperwork and food off your desk and laid you down on top of it. You sat up quickly and pulled him down for a hungry kiss, tasting yourself on his tongue and swallowing Bucky’s moans yourself. 

You heard Bucky fumbling with his belt and the telltale sound of his pants hitting the floor and you just barely managed to gasp, “shirt off, mmm wanna see all of you.”

He obliged and you sat there for a minute, ogling your partner in all his naked glory. Bucky’s chest was heaving as he tried to regulate his breathing. You took that chance to lean forward and kiss a line down his chest, your hand reaching for his erection, but Bucky stopped you. Using his metal hand, he pushed you down to lay back on your desk and you were powerless to stop him. You wanted to complain, wanted to tell him how bad you needed to taste him, but then he was whispering in your ear.

“Darlin’, I can’t wait anymore.”

He entered you in one swift motion. Your combined moans echoing off the walls of your office. He paused after he was fully seated, obviously wanting to make sure you were okay, and you took charge by rolling your hips to meet him and force him to start thrusting. His paced picked up and he was holding your hip with his right hand while his left tweaked your nipples. The pain and the pleasure causing your eyes to roll back in your head.

“Fuck honey, so fuckin’ tight. God I’m an idiot, don’t know why I denied both of us this- oh fuck do that a-fucking-gain,” he spoke lowly, his voice practically a growl as he continued to pound into you. You had swiveled your hips as you met each of his thrusts, taking him deeper and deeper.

“Bucky, fuck. James. Harder. Deeper. Daddy plea-,” you whined and moaned, not even realizing what you had said until Bucky paused. You looked at him through half-lidded eyes until you saw his face. His mouth hung open, his eyes fully black now. Like you had put him into factory reset mode. Then you realized what you’d said. You felt your body warm from embarrassment and went to apologize but were cut off by Bucky slamming his lips into yours. His pace picked up and was getting more erratic and you could feel yourself tightening and growing closer and closer to your orgasm.

“Fuck, this tight lil pussy was just made for daddy’s cock huh? Can feel you pulling me in deeper and deeper. Cum on daddy’s cock, darlin’. Be a good girl, that’s it, oh fuck, baby, FUCK!” Bucky came inside you with a growl, his words and the feeling of him inside you at last triggered your orgasm as well. You both laid on your desk for a little longer, your breathing evening out and you wiped at the sweat that had formed on Bucky’s brow. Twin satisfied smiles on both your faces until you came around and realized that dinner was now on the floor and you didn’t exactly have a washcloth at work to clean you up. Not able to stop, you started to giggle. And your laugh was so contagious that Bucky also joined in. You sat like that, him still inside you, laughing and laughing until you could barely breathe. His blue eyes twinkling with laughter, amusement, and love. You could see it in his eyes just as you were sure he could see it in yours. 

“Looks like dinner’s ruined,” you said thoughtfully, brushing a piece of Bucky’s hair from his face. 

A lopsided grin tugged on his lips as he kissed you and whispered, “mmmm I had mine already.”

The cheeky tone had you rolling your eyes as you kissed him again and he pulled out. You both hissed at the departure and went to try and regain some semblance of “professionalism” so you could leave work without embarrassing yourselves in front of Stan. So you gathered the food and the papers, quickly rearranged the desk and the two of you slipped out the door towards Bucky’s car. You waved Stan off and told him to have a good night, that Bucky would be taking you home, and he just smirked at the two of you as he waved goodbye. 

Bucky parked in the parking garage around the corner from your building so you used your walk to talk about the last couple of weeks. How his therapy appointments were going, how the case was shaping up, how you missed each other and the girls. And you just talked. You were approaching his car when you heard a noise. It was quiet at first, if you weren’t listening well you wouldn’t have heard it. But then it was there again. Like a struggling little noise. And it was coming from the other side of Bucky’s car. You quickly let go of his hand and walked as quickly and quietly as you could when you laid eyes on the tiniest little cotton ball of a kitten you’d ever seen. 

“Aww Bucky look,” you whispered as you crouched down to the cat’s level. Bucky did the same as you offered your hand out to the cat to sniff. Warily, the kitten walked up to you and sniffed your hand. But that wariness quickly changed to affection as the kitten was rubbing against your leg and attempting to do figure eights between Bucky’s. You laughed and picked up the kitten and cooed nice things in its ear. You knew. The second you picked her up you knew you’d found the newest addition to your little family.

“Bucky look at her, she’s so sweet and Avery and Becca would just love her so much and I think she’s alone and she needs a family!” It was like you were begging for Bucky’s approval, but you already knew you had it judging by the way he was petting her with such reverence. And that reminded you. You wanted this kitten for your family. A family separated by two different apartments at least twenty to thirty minutes apart. 

Before you knew it you were blurting out, “move in with us!” Bucky’s head whipped to yours, his eyes burning into yours as if he was trying to figure out if you were serious or not, so you continued, “I’ve been wanting to ask for a while but I knew your lease didn’t end until the end of the school year and well…here we are…” 

You studied Bucky’s face as the silence blanketed the two of you. You cleared your throat, wanting to make sure he understood that you understood if he didn’t want to but you were interrupted by him pressing a deep, loving kiss to your lips. Your lips moved against his and you would’ve continued if it weren’t for a tiny furry paw batting at your cheeks. The two of your broke apart and you felt the need to ask, “is that a yes?”

Bucky grinned.

“It’s a hell yes.”

And so the two of you got into Bucky’s car and took Alpine home, and began to prepare how you were going to tell the girls that they were moving in together and that they had a cat. The court case against Brock was further from your mind than it had ever been.

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